A Chair
by Contrasting-Death
Summary: We all want to have a special place in the heart of the people we love. A seat at their table as a trusted and valuable friend. However, sometimes you have to make a chair for yourself. Now things get a bit more complicated.
1. Prologue

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Naruto.

**CHAPTER 1: A MAN**

Today they are burying a man. A small, crooked man, who have seemingly lived a long life. He is a man among others and is now to be covered by moist dirt and left to decay. Food for the next generation of beetles. He will be forgotten soon by everyone here.

Some days ago this man's pale, parched fingers generously tapped the old pastel-green plastic desk (bought during a less prosperous period for Konoha) creating a sound that echoed out of step with the clock beside the door on the opposite wall. That clock as been dug out of debris and mud too many times. It had too many scratches on the surface, dimming it, making it impossible to reliably tell the time from it. Yet the man tapping the desk kept it. For the same reason he kept the old desk. Despite the fact that he could had traded them at any time, get some more impressive, beautiful new furniture, he kept these. They reminded him of what was important. It was important to remember. And to use those memories. That and to never give up.

The aging man in the room stretched his whole body up in an arc before swinging his arms down in a full-arm wave, touching the narrow walls of his office. A stranger to this room would note the worn marks from this exercise on the walls with part humour, part distaste. How long has a person have to be locked in before there are worn marks on the walls? How long before one starts to appreciate the prison instead of hating it?

After a strangled sigh the aged man turned to the bleach white papers on the desk. Some were addressed directly to him for translations, others were documents and official papers that needed to be looked over and commented upon. Some were more interesting than others. Some were just a waste of good paper. Those were the ones he saved in a special pile. He would later put them on fire and had the younger kids on a random street use them for grilling something. Some of them would only found them useful as a brief, but warming fire. After scribbling a few things down on one of the papers waiting for translation the man sighed once again and let his withered head bury itself in the crock of his arm. A silent and cold wind brushed his rather short, white-specked blonde hair gently, making him look up and out the small window behind him. A window that would never be able to provide an escape route as it is too small for most people beyond their teens to crawl through. Luckily, it also means that nobody can get in. Not so lucky is the fact that no matter how one twist and turn inside the room the only thing you will see clearly from that window is the crushed face of what used to be the 6th hokage's on the small mountain. Or nowadays; cliff. Ninja's with nothing better to do had spent many hours on trying to peel that face of the rocky surface and away from everybody's memories. 'Trying' being the keyword.

Years before that was the face of a man most thought they knew and adored. The aging man's memories of the ceremony where the 6th got his much desired coat and hat, ring hauntingly like the laughter of the hopeful mass who gathered that otherwise watery, cold autumn day. In hindsight most would, if they found the inner strength to joke about it, say that the weather had been warning them.

There was a brief fight with the ill fitted door before a lanky secretary made his way into the small office with a porcelain kettle and parcels on a shiny tray. No words were spoken but the older man looked away from the window to frown at the unannounced intrusion. This only caused the boy's fingers to slightly twitch as he smoothed out a part of the desk to put down the kettle, the cup and the new jar of pills. All of this was done without asking for permission since most employees in this building have no idea of who the aging man is. Nor really cares. He's been hiding too much in the shadows of others to be recognised for anyone more than a simple man who _somehow_ survived the hard times since the death of the third hokage. Nobody is interested in this "somehow". They all assume he got his position because he somehow passed a line where age could give him any position he wanted to aid him in his goal of spending the rest of his life comfortably. He had after all served his country. Though some suspected he had been hiding when the air got too hot to handle. Nobody asks an old man questions when there so many more interesting war heroes to admire. The aging man took three pills under the supervision of the secretary as he had been known to chuck those small things out the window the minute one looked away. When it was done the boy leaved.

So he stayed alone in that office, checking the inner workings of Konoha for cogwheels that needed greasing or that had gotten spoilt or rusted. He took the pills he needed to take in order to avoid pain and sometimes he would go home to the street were everybody know what person he is but not really who he is. He enjoyed this life. Had craved it for years, craved it ever since "adventure" got synonymous with a long period of struggle followed by somebody's funeral. He could still find a sort of adventure in walking through the village and getting involved in what was happening. But he had gotten too tired lately. He just could not find the power to do anything these days. Every limb was heavy and moving it made it sting with pain. The stronger painkillers were not working anymore. The power nestled inside of him had broken him into too many pieces to fix. He was only 55, but was still old. He aged fast these days.

Suddenly the whole room lunged to the side, bringing with it a splitting headache. To any other man this would be a cause for panic. But to this man it only stirred up a wrinkled forehead. He had had these symptoms before. It happened every time he had gotten poisoned. But as the fire in his belly spiked out and wrung into his shoulders he quietly mused that this could possibly be it. He mused that running outside of his office for help would amount to nothing as his secretary was the only that could have poisoned him. And he is probably not even out there anymore, escaping the consequences as the aging man mused on. He mused that surely something new will happen soon. Would he go to hell? Possibly, it's not like he has not walked down that road many times. However. If possible he'd like to argue for his case. Just so he could at least get the chance to strangle the fucked up person who had probably given him his cards to play with. Three fucked up cards: a nine-tailed demon, orphanage and a body fit to be a ninja. He did not like them at all. But he is kind of happy that he could play them so well anyway. He hoped that he gets to see his deceased co-players soon.

And he tired to doze off. Tried to bite down on the pain. But he still had a seizure five minutes later when the poison took down its victim.

And some in Konoha will mourn him greatly as they start to tell the truth of him. Some will shrug their shoulders despite that. Konoha has been at peace for too long to appreciate the deeds done under the wars as they perhaps should. But the man who they buried today would like them to do nothing more than go about with their lives as they have done for some odd years. He would like them to forget that there was ever war. Like them to forget how it's done. Forget that It was ever a road to something at all.

But he thinks none of this as he opens his eyes only to be blinded by a blazing summer sun and realising something is poking him in the leg. But besides that, a sweet sensation of grass tickling his exposed flesh and a rank smell of burning rubber enters his nose. As he rolls over and shields his eyes he sees a vast Konoha in the distance. Were it really that huge before?

Today Naruto arrived in the after life. God has a funny sense of humour.

**Author note: **If there's any questions just review them to me so that I can include them in the next chapter.


	2. First chapter

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

**AN:** I know most of you didn't quite get what happened in the first chapter. But it'll all be explained as the story unfolds. But hopefully most of your questions will more or less answered in this chapter. Warning: This is an un-beta-ed chapter.

**Chapter 1: The Betrayal**

The city is a huge, colorful patchwork circle, shaped almost cone-like as its highest buildings are located in the middle with smaller constructions jutting out of it. A small, fragile looking bridge, so thin that it is almost invisible from this distance, connects the tallest building to, the surprisingly whole, Hokage Mountain. It has been awhile since I could refer to it not only as an address but also as a geographical structure. A smile breaks out on my face, cracking the old wrinkles as it spreads. _A still standing, glorious Konoha._ _This must be Heaven. I have been measured, and it seems as if, I deserve heaven._

I can feel my face crinkle as my smile widens before I bend my knees to stamp my feet fast against the ground in my on-back position, waving my arms around randomly in a fit of happiness. To any onlooker I must look like I am having a seizure. _But who cares! I'm happy. So freakishly happy, it's almost scary. _I feel like a bird that has been denied soaring in the sky for far too long. The height is frightening, but so long desired! There is just so much energy inside my body that I do not know what to do with it.

As I sit up (originally to get up and do some form of victory dance) my wiry veins and hammering heart pulsate faster and I notice something; the heaviness in my limbs that has stalked me for so long is completely absent. I can not help but to snicker under my breath as I murmur to nobody "Young again!" Taking a deep breath, blowing up my lungs like small balloons before releasing the air into the sky once again. Touching my face to find the wrinkles, scars and signs of my long, hard life dissolved into soft, youthful skin.

I'm still grinning as I bounce towards the distant Konoha thinking that; _had I known this, I'd off'ed myself years ago!_ My sober funeral clothes however, flail wildly around me to the extent that I have to stop my victory parade, to tuck it in at places and even tie it at others before continuing. When I reach the huge, lush forest surrounding Konoha containing curiously pink-sprinkled cherry trees and strong oak accompanied by lashing willows, I notice a bit startled that the trees wear signs of a fight. Bits of blown-off bark, white wounded trunks and wilted tufts of grass lying sadly by the side of the worn path I'm entering. I immediately move off the path, into the soothing shadows, to silently creep along it. The signs of it are not fresh but I'm unarmed and they are obviously not. The grass stick between my bare and tense toes as the loose thorns of some wild roses stings my raw foot soles when I hurriedly continue on.

A stray thought hits my minds bull's-eye as I realize the difficulty of entering a hostile Konoha through the front gates. _Are there any guidelines for this sort of thing? Can I just walk up to them and say who I am? I'm probably not the first newly-dead to show up at the gates, right? Newly-dead. Hehe. I'm so funny. _

Suddenly a big, clammy hand is slapped down on my mouth muffling my surprised outburst. From reflex I bring my arm up and aim my elbow towards the person behind me only to miss and fall down on the hard ground due to the imbalance, dragging my attacker with me. We roll around a bit while cursing each other as I try to get free and turn around to deliver a more aimed fist. Dirt getting into my mouth and nose as I struggle with my spasming, unused, muscles. The fight ends however when I suddenly feel my body become dull and useless. _Had I only paid attention-! I'm out of practice. Embarrassing, __**embarrassing.**_ _After I get out of this I won't tell a soul._ As these thoughts that echoed inside my drugged skull, my unknown assailant drags me further away from the path, rocks and leafs grinding painlessly into the back of my drugged skull. I try in vain to convince myself that I could break out of this person's hold anytime I want. That I just intended to see who and what they want before kicking their asses. Honestly. I just wish he was strong enough to actually lift me properly.

As Jiraya, now actually carrying me, pulls me _very_ inconspicuously over the thick, stonewall surrounding Konoha accompanied by a long and loud string of curses (apparently I'm heavy and too slack) I contemplate asking him why he could not just let me climb over on my own. _Could this be an alternative universe? Could, dare I think it, Jiraya be EVIL here? If so…why is he smuggling me INTO Konoha? Isn't that counter-productive? Doesn't everyone want me OUT? Mysteries, mysteries. Or not really. I'll think this through after the drugs are out of my system._ The travel to here has been full of pipeline visions and sudden paranoia. It is emotionally exhausting to be like this. First peaceful and happy then scared and stressed to the point where I can not breathe. This playful mood I am entering is by far the best one yet, and is probably a sign of that the drugs are losing their effect. _Finally._

And after a seriously harmful trek trough the sub-urban Konoha Jiraya finally climb (and drags me after him) through a window and into some sort of staff room if the small kitchen and TV-corner is anything to go by, where he dumps me on a rickety wooden chair by the table in the corner. Fortunately I've regained enough sense to enable me to sit up on my own. But I still glower at him if only to make my point. _He'll regret treating me as a sack of vegetables._

When the drug has completely left my brain I notice that he looks much, much younger than I have ever seen him. His skin is a healthy beige and his eyes more aware than before. But despite this, he still has pearls of sweat cascading down his brow from carrying me around. And there seems to be something hanging over him, something heavy and sad as he stands behind the table. When he speaks his voice is coarse and shivering with anxiety.

"Sorry about that. I-I just needed to get you fast and undetected into Konoha and you have never really… been a quiet and lenient person so…I panicked a bit." he stops to swing his arms around a bit as if that would fill the silence as he seem to think of what to say next. He takes a new, short and shaky breath before continuing, speaking low in his throat "it's a bit unfortunate that you'd arrive now but we can't really change that now can we? I mean, the thing is that um, there's a problem with you being here. A-and I'm sorry. But y-you- everything will be fi- people will be happy to se- Oh, God."

I try to take a deep breath and question him, to calm him down, but my body is still mute and I can only blink and sag a little less with my mouth as a response.

"The truth is that YOU can't be here but if you're a bit less you and a bit someone else it'll be fine you just can't be Namikaze Naruto but you can be Naruto. You can't really get close to them because you're so alike him but otherwise you're fine, ok? We knew you'd show up one day but we all hoped later rather than sooner a-and we'll fix this ok?" he finishes breathing heavily staring fixedly at my bare feet.

My field of vision darkens at the edges as I try to make sense of what Jiraya is, truthfully, babbling about. He is so far away from his normally collected or comic self that I have trouble keeping up and for a second an alternative version of him doesn't sound so improbable. He seems to pick up on my confusion since he closes his eyes and takes a very deep breath murmuring "gimme a sec" before starting to pace around in the room. Then he sinks down onto the chair facing mine behind the table and speaks slowly, coldly, seemingly contemplating the words as he speaks them, sometimes nodding to himself at times, without looking me in the eye. Something that disappoint, sadden and scare me as he speaks.

"Naruto, we're having political difficulties with Rock…Again. And everything depends on very few people right now. We have worked hard these last years to avoid war by keeping a low profile. We need to seem like we're all having a relaxed, idyllic life-style here. And had you showed up a bit earlier there wouldn't have been a problem but…Your parents, you know who your father is…and everybody was expecting you for so long and your parents seemed so sad and lost without you here a-and it was noticeable! The other nations saw a weakness and when they started to act on it we could only try to cover it up…And with you being the Kyuubi's vessel in such a close relationship with a Hokage they would-"

The air inside the apartment seems to stop, the dust particles gleaming merrily as if laughing at me. The world loves to laugh at me. It really does.

"It could only end badly Naruto. You know this too. So we had another orphan stand in for you. H-he knows he's not you, but all civilians-. Everybody that does not know of you being the son of them, believes him to be the real deal. And since you are rather similar, in appearance at least, to your father you shouldn't be seen next to him. Or your mother. You'll probably be registered as a civilian until we can find a spot for you where there won't be any…_misunderstandings_. You understand right? It's for everyone's safety. " As I numbly listen to Jiraya trying to apologize for something I should have realized on my own, _I'll never be happy,_ I think about before, a long time ago.

When I was a child and I wanted a home, were somebody would meet me at the door, greet me, fuss over me, worry for me, I often asked where I belonged. Your home is where you heart is, and I was convinced that was by my family. "Were do I live?" I would ask. Most people would then give me the address of my apartment; it never ceased to amaze me that everyone knew where I lived. Everyone knew where the Hokage mansion was located. And my apartment. Had not the attention towards me been so negative I might had been elated. Famous. Awesome. But when I changed my question to "Where's my mother?" the answer would wary only in length and level of proper language, but always be the same in content. She lived in the red district. She was one of the worst whores with no consideration for life in any form. She'd sleep with anyone. I was a mistake and that's why I was chosen (for what I didn't know back then). My father was a poor, unsuccessful, ugly man that could only afford the ten dollar whore that my mother was.

Only the Third answered in a bland way, followed by him opening a door to a room were I could not follow him, ending the discussion. I don't know why I kept asking. Another argument supporting the common belief that I'm a moron. _Which I sincerely hope I'm not._

But now that has changed, now I know where my home is. But I can't go home. When I step inside that door nobody will answer me as I call out. It's almost as if I'll never come home. With this, I'm still, in a way, the child of a ten dollar hooker. To small and insignificant to be loved. _I fought so long for a country that has no intention of giving me what I most want._ This knowledge punctures and rips my soul and the acid that had always been around me pushes its way in. I can feel something childish die as I watch Jiraya-sensei hang his head over the table, apologetically, while intensely watching me under his eyelashes. Years ago this information would have made me cry and these are obvious signs that he is looking for. But I do not cry in front of people anymore, I have a different way of showing how I feel now.

And so there's no way for him to see what I'm thinking. That's why I smile the way I've practiced (so much that I sometimes wake up at night after a nightmare smiling) and say "It's okay. I get it. I really do." And I chuckle merrily in a way that makes my lunges hurt. He buys it with a relieved expression (and somewhat disappointed) and I listen to everything that a life here entails. It's roughly the same as always. Only here nobody really dies. It's a circle of pain, healing and fighting again. Only some really extreme techniques will really absolutely kill you here. He said "Welcome to Heaven", but it feels like hell's pit to me. I really don't understand how they'd do this to me.

* * *

"Eeeeh, I don't really get it…"

In reality I get it perfectly. If nobody ever dies of course people feel like it would not do any harm to take revenge. I am surprised the world is not at chaos with people hurting each other left and right just for fun. But somehow I do not want Jiraya to know that I get politics much better than I used to. I feel ridiculously enough betrayed. Betrayed by him and everyone else that have apparently, somehow "replaced" me with someone. And yet I can understand that they could not have done it any other way. But I still want to keep my aces hidden, just in case. I can't trust him to put me before Konoha. And people tend to hurt me for things I might do, rather than things I have done.

"Heh, you're the same as always Naruto!" Jiraya exclaims drunkenly before chugging down another shot of alcohol. His appetite for the stuff has apparently become bigger since before. He now deems it a very good idea to carry it around in storage scrolls. My respect for him had diminished as I saw him use it. Before he could deliver bad news as professional as any ninja. Today he had to drink a full bottle before I got anything that one could refer to as a status report.

Everyone who has ever been to war in the whole world was put in the same place as their neighbors. It's a fitting way of punishing murders. Put them in a secluded place, give them weapons and their hate will do the rest. Persecution. Paranoia. Pain. Eternal torture. I'd drink too if that was my vice. But it isn't. And yet in a way I can appreciate the opportunity of being returned to my twenties, a fresh start. Suddenly Jiraya gets out of his chair and starts to speak almost business-like, while walking slowly, slowly in the direction of the couch.

"On a lighter note; Who's Hokage on the other side right now by the way?"

"The 7th Hokage's name is Tanaka Yuichi. He's a bit of an office rat, but in a way, he was born to take that seat. You'll understand when you meet him…"

I try in vain to ignore the burning feeling in the pit of my throat as I realize that he did not even contemplate that I am the 7th_. Proving that he never really believed in me. He must have known the truth from the beginning. Monsters don't make it to the seat of heroes. The heroes slay the monsters. The monster never becomes the hero. Well, some can play the part for awhile but they're all discovered. I wonder if he knows that I was once trained to take the seat? Has anybody perhaps told him? Could someone have?_ My wild thoughts are disturbed as Jiraya speaks up again, disoriented.

"You know, I" he stops to turn and look at me while pointing regally in a drunken way towards himself as we lock eyes "think that you'll do just fine outside aaaaaaall this mess." He makes a grandiose gesture with his hands as he return to his trek towards the couch, the whispered, almost to low for even me to pick up, words floating into my ear "You would never put up with pretending like we do anyway, you're to honest." The last part was murmured under his breath as he disappears into the smooth, green couch. _And how does changing my identity __**not**__ constitute as lying?_

After sitting an half an hour in silence staring at the wall over the couch were Jiraya is sleeping like the dead, a pale common-looking woman sticks her head through the doorway asking me to follow her. Usually I would never follow her this easily, I have never considered it a good plan to follow strangers anywhere, but I can not take another minute in that room with that man, so I follow.

And as I step into the dim corridor outside the room noticing the wooden décor and the multiple doors leading to rooms sporting signs like "The Blue Conference Room" I deduce that I must be in the building where the Hokages' offices are located or in a building close to it. By the time we have reached the stairs the stale air in the wide, looming corridor has made me somewhat tired so when she turns to hand me a bright, white folder I almost drop it as I am slower to grasp it than she was prepared to.

"This contains all the papers that you will need. Read the instructions until tomorrow. Fill out the forms and someone will visit you tomorrow at noon to pick them up. Good night." The frosty statements become even harder to ignore as she purses her mouth distastefully and without looking me in the eye, turns and starts walking away. And I stare, smoldering hot and teeth grinding the words I want to spit at her into dust, after her. Before I died I was not exactly a celebrated member of society. But I was still treated with the respect any normal person would receive. Here however, nobody seems to know what I have done for Konoha, putting me back on square one. It is a bitter pill to swallow. Or in my case, probably some other poison.

As I find the exit leading outside of the dark building and hit fresh air the stinging between my eyes freeze up preventing me from crying, a habit I have never really gotten rid of. As I twist my neck to look up at the building I have spent the last four hours in, it is confirmed that this building is a part of the large building complex the Hokages' offices are located in. Idly I wonder, as the last beams of sunlight disappear, if they have their offices in different parts of the complex and if anyone of them is still in there.

As I walk towards the apartment I have been assigned according to my 'little' folder, I can not help but see how alike this Konoha is to the other one. The same architecture and people are revealed in the warm streetlight of the urban street, which I am now leaving for the slightly grassier road of suburban Konoha. If I could not tell it before when I just arrived and got my first look at the city, I could certainly say so now; the city is huge. I have been walking for an hour now and I still have not reached the outskirts where my new residence is located. And I am sort of tired of walking, but I was warned by a very red and angry note to not let people know that I am a trained ninja.

So I keep walking. _How boring._ The only thing keeping me awake is the small tufts of grass in the road that I now keep stumbling over due to the scarce light, raining out of the windows of the dark apartment complexes lining the road, being turned off by sleepy villagers preparing for bed and sweet dreams. They are all so utterly safe inside their homely, strong walls, resting contently knowing there are people on duty protecting them with their lives. Which I am sure is not as horrible and extreme to them, as it is to the person putting said life on the line. They will be awake all night trying to make it seem more self-evident that they have a duty to do so. That they have no right to claim their life and the value of the attachments his or hers loved ones have to him as anything just as valuable as what the people they are protecting have. _Better me than them_, right?

As I step up on the gravel speckled park, I'm faced with a whiny swing shacking in the wind and a shining sliver slide over-shadowed by my new home, a huge apartment complex. I can not help but grin tightly and think _I hope it looks better inside that this_ before beginning to close the gap between me and the apartment complex sporting balconies with mostly broken railings jutting out and dark windows, gleaming hungrily at me. It looks like somebody defeated a giant, grey spider by decapitating it and then remodeling its head into something habitable. A monster complex for the monster. It is almost poetic.

I can not help but to grin wryly as I realize that my apartment is the only one with a door on my floor. The top floor, the fifth floor. They better give me permission to use chakra again because scaling those stairs made me fear for my life. The rest of the apartments miss at least a handle and at the most the whole door, leaving me free to look into the dark, bottomless rooms as I please. The fourth floor under mine echoes lonely as a wailing child runs in the corridor under me, assuring me that I will not be living here alone. I try to twist the key in the lock only to realize that it requires a bit more magic to this lock than it appears.

So I press myself against the decayed, soft surface of the door, preparing myself to lift the door a bit, to easier twist the key, only to fall into the apartment with the old, rotten door under me as it yields to my weight. I stay down a bit breathing heavily, preventing myself from getting up and kicking something in anger, since that probably would break something else. I am pretty sure I can not afford a hole in the wall. Or with my luck, a new wall.

After awhile I stand up to survey the dark living room of the apartment with a kitchenette corner located to my immediate right. The colors and nature of the furniture are but silhouettes to me. After spending some time trying to get the lamp to work so that I can get a better look around, I give up and head for the first door on my left hoping it is the bedroom only to be disappointed as my foot hits the darkly hidden porcelain body of what is probably a toilet. While backing out I can not help but to feel my body protesting against this game. It wants its rest. Which I give it as I lie down on the couch, falling asleep with the scent of old, murky water and the grainy cloth of the pillow quietly dirtying my face as I try to dream about my new life.

**AN: **I'd just like to say my heartfelt "thank you"s to those who wrote me the reviews that I've always wished for. Thank you so much, it really makes me happy to know that someone out there appreciates my style to that extent. This chapter was in part dedicated to you , the next chapter will partly be in a 1st person narrative, but as you might have noticed it's not my stronger side so that'll probably be the last of it. So hang on.

I got this idea a year ago, but it was when Kakashi met his father by the fire with his father referring to a life after death that I decided to write this. This fanfic will be featuring as little OOC as possible since I think it disturbs the flow of the story having to build up characters at times, and mostly there's no way one can make those characters as real as the Real Characters. Once again, if there was some sentence that confused you in any way, give me a heads up in a review. I'd like to fix those as soon as possible.


	3. Second chapter

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

**Note:** Sorry for the delay. I've tried some new styles of writing. Let's see if you can spot them…

**Chapter 2: Listing the Cracks.**

When I wake up the next day, I can not help but to laze around on the moist couch for awhile longer with my eyes closed, enjoying the silence, pretending that my world is in order. But when I do open my eyes I am faced with the old, ungainly TV that has been propped up on an old, spotted birch-wooden chair that I doubt will hold for much longer. _Falling soon into billions of pieces and chaos._ As I raise my eyes to look at the wall and window behind it, I can not help but to make a disgusted grimace. _It's more dirt than actual cement and bricks that are keeping the cold out in this room…How am I going to fix this? I can't live like this…Do I have any money? _The second that I think this, I remember the white folder. _They'd write it down in those papers if I do…._As I ungracefully trip over the back of the navy blue couch, in order to get to the table where I dropped the papers yesterday, I remember that I am also supposed to fill out some forms by noon. _Good thing I woke up now or I'd have missed the deadline. _My mind repeats this sentence several times in my head, but I can not find any enthusiasm in doing more paperwork for any folder has been struck by the magic that is this apartment and gotten a light, creamy yellow during the night. Which is why I open the folder with my thumb and index finger, touching it as little as possible.

Because I had already read the first pages yesterday in order to get this address, I browsed those through, making me bored before I even came to the actual forms. The questions were deceivingly dull, but I knew better than to be too detailed when giving out my information. I knew that no matter how many times I risked my life, no matter how many lives I saved, no matter how good a deed I made and so on, this would still inevitably be the nation who had the greatest interest in seeing me dead. So as a precaution I should give them enough information to trust me to do my job, but not enough for them to smell blood, provoking them to go for the kill.

An hour later when all the forms are filled and I have read the rest of the papers I am able to conclude this; 1) somebody is in a very sneaky way holding my back or feels very guilty and 2) there is some really sly people working in those offices. My name is now Uzumake Naruto. It is very similar to my mother's, but still differs enough so that the general population will believe themselves to only have misheard my name and not make the actual connection. And I have received three months worth of pay without lifting a finger. Hence I am ready to head out half an hour later as I finish the list of things that I need to fix in the apartment. I will mostly depend on the magic of paint and nails to fix this place up. A tingle races up my fingers and to my spine. I can not wait to get started.

I take one last look around the thirty square meter sized room, taking in the old couch (now named Sea-monster because of its nautical look, feel AND smell), the black dusty TV, the dark-red kitchen table without chairs and the reeking kitchenette in the corner. The bathroom had been a lost cause as the lamp in that room was broken and no matter how I opened the door no daylight came in either, leaving it a mystery to be solved later. Therefore I had simply put down light bulbs and cleaning utensils and such on the bathroom list. _I'll just clean it up and then see what needs doing._ After a few moments of disgusted mind freeze caused by mental images of what cleaning this apartment would involve I realize, _I haven't taken a look into the bedroom yet._

But the bedroom is a disaster. The huge window was to begin with, a pure deathtrap. Anybody outside on any of the opposite apartment complexes could without any trouble, take a good look at the whole room (which was in quite bad shape as some rats had recently, or currently, built a nest in one of the corners, using rest of the room as a playground). It was an assassin's wet dream. Easy access and overview. After a few minutes of staring through the window from the safety of the threshold I close the door quietly and shake off the feeling of hopelessness from my shoulders. _I've lived in worse places and survived. I just need to work hard. Like I always do. This shall be my castle. _But despite my optimistic thoughts I can not help but to wonder if I have the strength to go through this again. I place the folder, for whoever is going to pick them up at noon, on the table before leaving the apartment.

Finding a market containing the things on my list was surprisingly easy. As I crossed the old playground outside my apartment, the sound of a bell had me looking up at the left side of the worn intersection I was crossing, planning to retrace my steps from yesterday into the city. The bell it turns out, comes from inside a store as a bulky, hairy man leaves it. Above the glass door a worn wooden sign with words in red flaking paint proclaims "Junken's toolshop". Too a person like me, that appreciates cheap stuff, this was perfect. I, however, ridiculously enough hesitated before entering the store as nothing is ever this easy for me. It should have taken ages for me to find this store. But in the end I decide that I will be grateful for this little amount of luck so I step inside to have a look around.

Later I emerge happily from the store overloaded with yellow plastic bags and my fingers stinging as the handles dig into them. I try not to skip as I start towards my apartment but it is hard not to. The storeowner, apparently, had no idea of who I was. As I had looked inquiringly at him he sighed tiredly before muttering sourly under the thick beard:

"I dunno who you are."

According to him, he died around the time when Konoha just was established and civilians started to move in. So of course he would not know who I am, and honestly, after the reception yesterday I was only happy to be treated as a human being again.

But I only make it a few steps before I notice a person in a too big dark green raincoat standing slightly hunched over by the wall next to the intersection fifty meters away. I would not have noticed her if she had not sneezed louder than the bell chimed as I stepped out. I feel a bit apprehensive as I watch her, stare at my apartment complex very hard. If this was one of my new governmental stalkers, then she was not doing a very good job. Suddenly she sneezes again before growling frustrated and tearing off her plastic hood revealing the head of a woman I have only read about, who I've only seen on pictures. A woman named Uzumaki Kushina. My mother.

She merely gathers her hair that has ended up in her face and the rest of it, twists it into a knot and places it in the hood before pulling it up again. It is only a few seconds, but in those few seconds I almost disappeared. Dissolved into air. I felt bleak. My heart swallowed a mouthful of acid and adrenaline, as my lungs simply go lax. And I stare at her. Trying to make sense of what I am feeling. Despite never having met her I have always fantasized of what she was like, what we would do, what I would feel. Everything based on what I have seen of others do, what I have heard from others. But now I know that they were just words. They could not entangle the concept of my love towards my mother anymore than they can accurately describe the color of someone's skin in a shadow. They're just words, black industrial watery ink upon a paper to thin to be handled roughly. Or a series of non-contemplated words, spoken by a spoilt mouth.

The person hiding between the pages of the books I read can not guide my emotions to a larger extent than I let it. Words can inspire anyone; put ideas in anyone's head that brighten the world. Those words back then had the ability to make the world sensible, enabled me to envision things I had never seen or touched or felt before. That is why the world became frightening when I stepped outside of my idea bubble, out of the range of logic and governmental guidelines, and just winged it. That is how it felt to see her for the first time. Frightening. Too far out of my bubble. So I walk fast across the road, ignoring her as I can feel her look at my retreating back and escape into the apartment complex with all of my yellow bags and I do not stop moving until I have stepped over my broken door and look outside the window to find her gone. _I hope they'll never put her on a spying mission. She really doesn't have what it takes._

As I tie together the last plastic bag with garbage and take a look around the now clean apartment I can not help but be surprised by how fast it went. The windows are clean and the walls no longer covered by dust or spots. The kitchenette is now sparkling with clean silver pans and bleach white tile. The bathroom was surprisingly whole, so after cleaning the toilet, the bathtub, baby blue tile walls and floor it was finished and fit to use. The bedroom needed some paint and a huge curtain to cover the window and a bed but otherwise it is done. _If people only knew how much energy it sucks out of you to stay optimistic._ I sigh escapes my lungs.

As I start to paint the walls in the living room a deep, lime green that I like I can not help but muse on how my friends will react when they find out that I have become this crafty. _They'll probably be shocked that I, who used to be clumsy, can do so much on my own now._ A sneaking feeling of pride enters my stomach. But still, I do not want to tell them **why** I have gotten this good. I can not tell them that every time a disaster in my life happened I broke down a bit and in the end I started to fix things up to handle it. Everything from knitting to pluming. It dulled my brain, let me forget everything, helped me take my mind of –

_-The sound of skulls cracking on the pavement as those who've given up hope on being evacuated jump from crushed, burning buildings. Looking like comical stick figures against the background of orange fire. The sight of seemingly non-breathing, sleeping children by the foot of their mother who's blinking owlishly at me with empty eyes and a empty jar hanging_ _loosely in the crook of her ring finger. Finding myself too late to save any-_

- as cold drops of green hit the corner of my mouth I decide that the TV needs fixing too.

The young green-splattered man is pulled from his close inspection of the wires inside his old TV when the window in his apartment vibrates as someone knocks on it. He turns around to see his old teacher, just as he remembers him, gesturing at him to open the window.

"Sorry, you can not come in that way. It's stuck to the frame. You'll have to take the stairs."

This makes the man outside smile tensely behind his mask, before disappearing from view, leaving the window to only frame the heavy grey sky outside. The young man straightens and quickly puts the TV together again before placing it back on the chair. As a knock is heard on his newly fixed door he takes of the long, thick coat he was buried in that has served as an apron and places it on the table before opening the door.

The greeting is awkward and choppy as the student and teacher awkwardly moves to sit on the couch. Once seated the teacher jokingly blurts out as he hands over a new folder to the young man:

"You're almost a male Martha Stewart, Naruto."

Said man replies almost immediately as he opens the folder to read.

"Shut it………I'm put in the library!" The outraged outburst echoes inside the room as Naruto furiously turns to look at his teacher. "Why am I looked into the dullest place in the whole of Konoha?"

"Naruto, that's not true. You'll guard a lot of important texts that our enemies must not get their hands on! It's a very important assignment."

"…I fear no one in his right mind would even try to rob a library filled with records of mostly unusable jutsus! Gah, this can't get any worse…"

"You make your own lemonade Naruto…So what've you been up to today? Besides painting the room as if it were a neon sign? Is this some sort of fashion statement?" the teacher's amused tone at the end of the sentence does nothing to brighten the conversation. The young man frowns as he replies:

"First of all; I like this color and second of all; cleaning. Because as you might have noticed; you've left me in a dump!"

"Don't use that tone with me, Naruto. Despite what this might seem as, we've done everything we can for you."

At this the blonde lifts an incredulous eyebrow but as he stands up he says tiredly:

"If that helps you sleep at night I won't ask anything more of you but that you leave so I can go grocery and clothes shopping. I assume that the note in the first folder where "try to keep interaction with people directly connected to the Hokage family at a minimum" includes you as well?"

The teacher only nods solemnly before making his way to the door only to turn around as he hears a window open behind him.

"I thought it was stuck to the frame?"

"Nope, I just wanted to make you take detour using the lethal stairs. You know, just like you're forcing me to put up with shit if I want to be anyone, really, that might be respected, to suffer. If you'd like to use the window now I'll push you out right this second, otherwise, good bye Sensei."

The man leaves the younger one, with a wry smile on his lips, through the door without muttering a good bye himself. Leaving the blonde to sink down into the couch again silently shaking as he feels the cliff, between the years were he was the happiest and the life he is always brought back to, widening. It leaves a sharp feeling in his body that wants nothing more than to be let out to cut the world up as it has done to him.

After Naruto had eaten dinner, despite not feeling any hunger oddly enough as he hadn't eaten anything since he got there he, he made his way home on a smaller urban road. The plastic bags containing some groceries and a new set of clothes weighing him down, make his knees shake from fatigue. The day had translated into evening since awhile ago and the sky burned a pink red throwing light shadows in every corner of the city. The yells of mothers, calling their children home from a long day's play, echoing warmly. All the noise and colorful splendor was however lost on Naruto as his eyes were dropping over and over again as he walked while his brain only whispered serenely "so sleepy" over and over again. His doze was however cruelly and abruptly interrupted as a breathless cry of surprise "NARUTO!" that jolts him awake-

_The cliff drops too fast for her to get up and block it, Lee not moving beneath her, and suddenly there's just a lump of dirt where she used to be and I run and run and lift the rocks away, off of her only to hear a wet sound but there's only blood below me and above me there hangs-_

"Sakura!" and she ignore his tense smile in favor of hugging him. She has missed him. The world is easier to live with when he is around.

"I heard you had arrived. How are you doing? Do you need any help with your new place?"

"I'm fine, just fine on my own. Everything is pretty much done anyway…"

"We've missed you so! Everyone was thrilled when you-"

The rest of her sentence are disappears inside Naruto's static head as he struggles to get himself together again, struggles to put together his memories of her with the person in front of him. Only to feel a silent scream of horror vibrate in his chest.

"-you know. Oh, I know! Why don't we all come together at your place to celebrate?"

"Celebrate what?"

"Were you even listening?" she admonishes sternly as a amused smile breaks out on her face. "- that we're all here now!"

_Yes, we're all dead. Hipp hipp hurray---._

"Oh, well, my apartment is too small."

"Oh, come on, we'll think of something. Come on, the others are by the training ground sparring, let's ask them what they think." She seems pleased as she turns and starts walking away without an answer, a gloomy, tired, over-packed blonde man following her whilst mumbling "Now I remember…"

As the sounds of a battle rise in volume, nowadays too common to my ears to be any sounds that I need to consciously analyze, I try to prepare myself. I do not want to face them now, but how can I escape this? They have missed me after all, and is that not what I wanted?

"Oi! It's Naruto!"

Kiba's happy voice raises my spirits to a startling height. _My friends_. They were a minute ago just small colorful bits flapping around wildly on the horizon, in my memories, but now they are all steadily coming closer. And memories of laughs and shoulders to cry on, comes back to me. _My friends_.

"Heeeeey!"

Her voice is soft, as is the hug Tenten gives me, quickly moving aside before I can get my wet throat to work as Kiba roughly embraces me, patting me on the back, screaming loudly words I do not catch through the daze before Neji wordlessly pats my shoulder and Hinata waves and Ino hugs and Shino waves and Chouji shakes my hand and Shikamaru waves and Lee hugs and Sasuke raises his fist in preparation for connecting with mine. Which it does as I catch up to them all. I feel otherworldly. Amazing.

"What've you been up to, man?"

"Bothering people incessantly, no doubt."

"You burned the fiercest of us all no doubt! Did you experience the glory of growing old dear friend?"

"How was Konoha when you died?

"You look tired."

"Let's spar"

The flurry of questions comes to a full stop as Sasuke speaks. They all look a bit startled at him before seemingly retreating into themselves, dimming the enthusiasm of seeing me. Then they have the guts to start grimacing at each other, as if I were a child, and would not know what they were doing. I clear my throat, stopping the anxious facial and optical gymnastics, before saying as calmly and nicely as I can at that point:

"We're not genins anymore Sasuke, besides, I'm really interested in what you've all been up to. Well?"

At first they seem a bit insulted, as if by turning Sasuke down I have turned down something else, before turning slightly apologetic as Ino diplomatically says:

"We're supposed to train hard right now Naruto in case the war breaks out and-"

"You talk as if it already has!" I can not help but be a bit surprised, they do not have time to even talk to me for a petty fifteen minutes because of a war I have been told is being prevented by me disappearing into the shadows. They have got to be joking.

"Naruto. We know Konoha has enjoyed a long period of peace in the life before this, so we understand if you think we're being ridiculous. But believe me; we know what we're doing." Sakura's voice is almost patronizing.

And for a few seconds I contemplate telling them that their deaths was in vain and that there has been at least three more wars give or take since they died. But I keep silent and nod slowly instead. Trying to rein it all in.

"Nobody expects you to fight in the beginning of it. You probably need to starts practice slowly, right? Take it easy? That's why you don't want to spar right now, right?" Hinata speaks as timidly yet empathetically as only she can.

"No, I won't fight in the war. I've got assigned desk work."

They all freeze for a movement. Then a sort of absolute comprehension floats into their eyes. I want to scream "What the F*** are you thinking now?!" as I know that they are not privy to my family situation meaning it could only be something else. Which could possibly mean they expected this in some way, as if they expected from the beginning that I might not have the skills needed.

I gesture towards my plastic bags of groceries and clothes, apologizing awkwardly before walking away fast even before all of them have gotten their chance to say good bye. It looks like I am escaping their pity. But the truth is that I am ashamed. Ashamed of that I can not do as I used to. Be myself and to hell with those who did not like it. What happened?

There are several disadvantages with being the comic relief in a group of people. One being that no matter what you do, you'll never be taken seriously and are often patronized by your friends. And as Naruto walks home after being reunited with his friends he can not help but to think that the person he was then and the person he is now, are miles away from each other. It is humiliating talking to them. What is he supposed to do?

The central road I'm walking on in the night is spotted by light circles coming from the small stands lining the way to my home. Warm little bubbles of tradition and familiarity. This is where people go to enjoy life when it is at its best. Which is why I should not be here, because I am far from my best. Or so I hope at least. The murmurs and buzz of the road is spiked by a deep throaty laugh that I am well familiar with. One that makes me smile, a warm feeling blossoming in my chest, and walk a bit faster in the laugh's general direction only to freeze as I am almost there. Ten paces away. Or twenty if I walk slowly. The only person to literally having stood up against my most dangerous enemies to defend me. Defended me with her life and honor, has sided with my greatest unfortunate in this life.

Tsunande gestures wildly, grinning splendidly at a man to her right _my father_ who smiles amusedly as Jiraya's arm comes down heavily on his shoulders while the man laughs like a pack of wolves. A lanky man who only reaches Jiraya's shoulders in length and whose skin seems to never have known the sun, smiles so wide I almost expect his face to break at its seams. I can not tell his hair color because of the scarf around his head, nor what status he has as a ninja because of the dim lightning, but when I see the woman behinds him who keeps a close watch on him I deduce that this must be my Stand-in, and my mother must hold him very dear. A sort of clinical mindset has clouded my brain in a way reminding me of the state of mind I enter as I go to war. I can feel myself dissolve into the atmosphere, my chakra thinning out and every movement slowing down, a self-defense behavior I acquired during a time were I did not want to be bothered by anyone –

_-As far as I can see, tomb after tomb after tomb after tomb after tomb after tomb after tomb of people who I know, knew, known, should know, won't know ever again-_

And then I lock eye with the Stand-in.

**Note 2:** I can't help but crack up as I read some paragraphs that's got foreshadowing. Ah, if only you knew what is coming XD. And a cookie to those who can guess who is saying what in the sequence where Naruto meets the gang again, I tired to leave a lot of clues ^^

**Review if you liked it or if something needs to be improved (constructive criticism is always welcome). **


	4. Third chapter

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto in any form nor do I make any money from writing this story.

**Note:** **I would just like to thank all reviewers.** Even though I do not always respond I would like for you to know that I contemplate everything that you write to me. Good and bad. And I am trying my hardest to improve in all these aspects. So please continue to review so that I may continue doing so. That and because I like to know that you all like what I write. So enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 3: For whom does the bell toll?**

For some blank, void moments, we just stare at each other. And then I flip him off. Purely by instinct, and the second I see my finger do it, I open my mouth, stunned, and think _ah shit_. Then I turn around quickly and walk home as fast as I can. I try to not look as if I am running away, but I feverishly pray that my parents did not see that. I would like them to not think of me as the hellion that they all say I am. At the very least, I want them to be proud of me. And nobody is proud of a 55 year old son who still flips people off.

As my apartment complex comes into view, I slow down a bit to take another look at it. But it still looks like I am entering the mouth of a beast ten minutes later when I open the front door to go in. But as I close my eyes that night, exhausted, the image on my retina is a wonderful, picture of my Stand-in, jaw slack, looking aghast.

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It is the cool, flickering light-blue shadows cast by the sun behind the cotton curtains that wake me up, the newly painted, cracked cement ceiling being the first thing I see today. The cool veil of fresh air that has settled on my skin feels pleasant and I do not want to move a limb, do not want to wrinkle this soothing feeling. I stretch out slowly on my back, once again directing my vision to the wide white roof, folding out above my head. It is not until I exhale and notice a frosty cloud emerge from my mouth that I realize that it just might be too cold in here. _It is hardly autumn and it is getting unbelievably cold in here already… Winter will be a __**blast.**_ The only response I get to my sarcastic thoughts is a slow scratching sound inside the wall between this apartment and the next. The rats are back again, despite everything.

As I pour some milk into the deep-red bowl I found in a second hand store, I realize that I feel much better today, than I did a week ago when I first arrived. The feeling of crushing defeat and anger had rippled on the surface on my soul, dissolved into nothing and almost left me blank again. I can not help but to make a pained face. _I am lucky people could put up with all that drama. Had they been any less patient with me, I'd be left alone to rot by now. _But in some way, it still felt like I should be mad at someone. The question is who. My Stand-in is probably not him though. _But seriously, those seconds where our eyes meet, were some of the worst in my life._ A sort of realization, that this is really happening.

Realization that this was not the world I have fought for so long in. But, after living here for a week, this realization has grown to be a sort of reality. This is where I live now. This is my reality. Here all Hokages, old and young, work side by side. Five, great people from different ages. Perhaps that is why some laws in the village are old fashioned at best, and ancient in worst case scenario. The notion that Ninja are mere tools is more alive than ever. Ninja exists to protect their village, unconditionally. The second notion I can agree on, it is just that the first one is extremely against my nature, as they all knew. And in some misguided attempt to help me, this is what they did. I get their reasons. But that does not mean I am just going to go along with it. When have I ever? They thought I would just meekly get in line and stay hidden? _DO THESE PEOPLE EVEN KNOW ME?_

Now when I have gotten over the anger, of dying at the hands of an assassin (supposedly one of my own), quickly followed by someone that I trusted denying me what I felt was my due reward, I feel strangely rejuvenated. Like I can take on the whole world if I have to. _God, I've missed this feeling._ I can not believe that I ever thought I could just safely rest somewhere and get my reward just like that. I have to, just like some others, fight on my own for everything I want, whether people like it or not.

I have essentially decided to dive into life and create some ruckus. Because I know that if one takes a chance based on gut-feeling, and just run straight into the chaos life really is, one will not regret it. I have tested that hypothesis, and it works. We are the center of our existence and all the thousands of possibilities that rains and ripple around our bruised knees can be plucked up easily by hand (or mouth if one favors a more direct approach). But none the less, words of others can merely make you look towards a different horizon, a different star. But it can not steer you towards it can or make you bathe in it. And I am not going to bathe in the pool of "Victim of the Times". _Hell no._

I place the empty bowl on the table as I pick up the newspaper and lean back into the hard back of my chair. None of the news around here has so far sparked any interest in me, so I only read the comics. Those are funny. _And since I do not have any work today, I'll relax all day. I need it. After this darn week. I'll go and lie in the sun or something. I haven't seen it since they isolated me inside that disgusting library cellar. First thing on my list is to get out of there. I need to come up with a plan…_

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

It is the doorbell's chime that brings Naruto out of his morning idyll and into the every day routine as someone pulls on the string behind the newly white painted door attached to the bell inside the apartment. Despite this he does not get up to open his door for his guest, instead he calmly calls out, without lifting his gaze from the article in the newspaper:

"Come in!"

There is the sound of the door squeaking as it swings up, followed by some lesser struggle with something metallic, before a chipper voice sounds through the apartment.

"Good morning, Boss!"

"Shoes off, Konohamaru."

"They're off, they're off. Boss, could you help me with something?" The exasperated voice quickly turns needy as the brunette male stares imploringly at the blonde.

"After I finish this."

"But-" He stops himself when the other clears his throat threateningly. "Sure...What's this?"

The other frowns at the object the other has hauled out before making an annoyed sound low in his throat.

"Okay, get it. Quiet. Right." Konohamaru responds as he quietly drops the huge, one-meter long, black scroll back onto the floor under the table where it laid before and leans back into the newly bought, yet old white chairs who creaks and sighs under his weight. During this action a quiet murmur of "old men tendencies" escapes his lips, but it is not heard by the other male.

A few minutes passes before the blonde male laughs heartily, scaring the other to such an extent that he recoils.

"WHAT? Wha-? What are you reading?"

"Nothin' o' ya concern little Konohamaru." The sugary tone of the other makes the younger male crinkle his nose before replying.

"…stop calling me that."

"…"

"…"

"What did you need my help with?" the older male says in a teasing tone as the other shakes his head slowly in response to the other's behavior.

"My B-group."

"Your B?..-group?"

"It's sort of like our genin groups but, a bit different… There was supposedly some report a few years ago that showed that since there's so much attachment to your genin comrades it often leads to mission failures. You know, with all the emotion getting in the way yaddiya-blah." The older man frowns a bit but does not try to interrupt. "So they came up with this _great_ idea to mix us with completely unknown people, since there's a lot of shinobi to mix with due to…the circumstances. So the B-group is my Base group, the group that I train most with and is best compatible with. But I'm not supposed to create any strong…bonds to them so…"

At the other reluctance to continue Naruto offers some encouragement by slowly responding to his last sentence.

"Okay, I can see a lot of problems with this…so which one do you want help with?"

"…I think I like a girl in my B-group"

"Aaaw Konohamamaruuu." The honey-sweet, teasing tone was accompanied by the older man poking Konohamaru in the stomach several times, making said younger male fitfully giggle. This somewhat childish, yet oddly efficient, male bonding ritual stopped however as the annoyed and embarrassed Konohamaru was provoked enough to call out:

"Stop it!"

"Can't you tell your squad leader or something that you need to be replaced? If you're in another group then there won't be a problem, right?" The other one question seriously after they had clamed down again.

"But I'm the squad leader, and we're not supposed to change groups when there's war. It'll compromise everything!"

"Okay, first of all; there's more than your group out there, probably eighty or so from what I've heard, I don't think it'll be a disaster if two groups take a little while longer to get ready and secondly; you're talking as if there're kunais and explosion tags raining over our heads already. Perhaps there won't even be a war!"

"…Naruto, this is Stone shinobi we're talking about. They don't exactly announce that they're coming…"

"What're you sayin'? That they're out there? Hiding under…" the older man's serious attitude breaks as he starts giggling uncontrollably before choking out;" rocks? Hahahahahaha!"

"This isn't funny Naruto! It's war!"

"I know. But I'll regret not spending these peaceful times in good humor when it is too late and I wish I had more time…speaking of time, for how long have you been here before I showed up?" if the sudden change of subject startles the other he does not show it, instead he answers directly:

"About three years…why?"

But he gets no reply as Naruto merely stares at the cracked wall, face almost as green as it is.

"Let's get out of here. I need some air." He suddenly murmurs and they silently leave the apartment to do some light sparring in the nearby forest.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

They have only gotten inside the apartment again, Naruto sinking annoyed into the couch and Konohamaru moving over to the fridge to look for something to eat as they had forgot to eat lunch. If judging by the curses he murmurs as he looks through the kitchen, there is nothing of the sort. As he turns to ask Naruto what they will do about dinner, he just sees a tall, thin black silhouette by the window, surrounded by the evening shadows. The silhouette is silent and rocks slowly back and fourth to some unknown tune. The creaking floor being the only sound in the apartment as Konohamaru watches the ghoul by the window. The image scares Konohamaru who had during the sparring realized that, his idol might just had gotten into more wars and fights than they all expected.

When the doorbell chimes the silhouette stops and moves into the circle of light that the lamp over the table spreads. He sinks down in one of the chairs, sighing, bringing Konohamaru out of his stupor.

"Should I open for you?"

As he receives a shooing motion that he figures mean "go ahead" he opens the door to find the lanky man that is Shikamaru fall inside as he was about to start banging his head on the door. He catches himself however, and moves inside without a word, only gesturing towards the plastic bags with groceries in his hands. The not so lanky, smiling man behind him is however a bit more vocal:

"Me and Shikamaru thought we could have dinner with Naruto tonight! To cheer him up. You want to stay too, Konohamaru?"

"Sure! Thanks, Chouji… Hey you guys, what do you think about datin-" The last part of the response was quietly drowned out by the squeaking sound of the door as it closed again.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

"Aaaaaah, how troublesome…"

"What? What? I seriously can't, huh…" Konohamaru can not help but to sink, defeated, further down into his chair.

"No, you go ahead. If there's so much as an inclination of deeper feelings towards a group member then you have to change group. War or no war. ---sucks-----da—paperwo----" the last murmured words was only heard by Naruto as the other one by the table was busy doing a happy victory dance on the naked, wooden floor and Choji was too busy cooking dinner for them.

Due to Naruto's experience with ___bureaucratic affairs he_can not help but feel a bit sympathetic with Shikamaru. But when thinking about the time difference from here to there, he knows that he would soon be dragged into it again, if not the library will do so on its own soon. So he did not make an offer to help Shikamaru, but instead decided to enjoy his brief moments of freedom from it with a guiltless joy.

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"So, Naruto" Choji starts conversationally "how're you settling into your new life?"

"It's fine."

Choji and Shikamaru share a quick glance before Shikamaru starts to say:

"Is that so, so you feel completely fine wit-" only to be interrupted by an angry, frustrated yell. When he lifts his head to look at Naruto he is faced with a set of intensely focused sky blue eyes as the owner of said eyes grinds out between tight lips:

"Okay. What is your problem?"

"Wha-?" the false innocent look Shikamaru gives Naruto does little to calm the other down, quite the opposite, it annoys him even more, provoking him to interrupt Shikamaru before he can even finish his question.

"Don't give me that bullshit Shikamaru. You keep giving each other these looks. The whole of rookie nine! At least three times a conversation!-" as Naruto rises his voice Shikamaru does his best to calm him down.

"Hold on, Naruto, we-"

"-In every conversation since I arrived here!" Finally Shikamaru finds the strength in his lungs to interrupt the angry man, who is by now further emphasizing his sentences by hitting his right fist on the table several times.

"LOOK! Naruto, haven't you noticed anything, like strange or… difficult things since you came here?" the last part of the sentence is spoken uncertainly, as if the speaker do not really quite want to say it, or perhaps like he does not know how to say it.

"Yes…My friends keep looking over my head like I'm 5. But hey, maybe that's not so strange. You all seem to think I'm stupid and-" the offended tone is quickly interrupted by a slightly more desperate one, one who does not quite suit Shikamaru's character. But as he attempts to explain he is quickly interrupted again.

"We do not! Look. The villagers here they're-"

"Ahhh!" it is not as much a sound of triumph as it is quiet comprehension. " Dudes, I know." And in a try to ease up the atmosphere again he continues in a sly tone "That's why I'm incognito." Which is not really true, but this is the excuse Naruto has been looking for. Since the others started showing up at irregular intervals in his apartment, he had been looking for an excuse whenever they asked about his name. And here it was! "You know my name change? It was so that nobody would try to bother me at home, get it?"

"…Your're not really incognito Naruto. You're very easy to recognize."

"Really?"

"Yeah, everybody knows that the blonde, orphan brat is the— Wait! What I mean is—um." As Choji attempts to put the words back into his mouth Naruto calmly interrupts him.  
"I get it. Don't worry. I've got good ears. There's not a thing out there that they say that I don't know about." _Besides, it imperative to the Hokages that everyone all think I'm an orphan. Who's going to look for similarities between one of the greatest men in the village and one of the worst when their convinced they've got different backgrounds?_

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"Well, Choji. You do love to surprise us, don't you?" the sarcastic comment is lost on Choji's ears as he rearranges a bit on the table, before sitting down by it with the rest. They all stare a bit amused at the barbequed meat he has made that gleams innocently on the plate, shining enticingly at them. The bowls of rice a bit forgotten because of its plainness.

"DIG IN!" Choji abruptly bellows as he, obviously on the verge of starving if the way he is eating is anything to go by, stuffs his face rapidly, slices of glazed meat dangling, almost lively, from his mouth before they disappears. The others are not too far behind in devouring the meat, Shikamaru being the only who silently eats the dish with care.

As the dinner starts to come to an end, Konohamaru interrupts the comfortable silence by saying curiously:

"So Naruto, did you know the 7th?"

The question was simple yet the asked man slows down considerably in his eating and responds hesitantly:

"Y-yes. A bit. I worked for him so…"

"What is he like?"

"…He's good at inventing jutsus and paperwork… He likes being in-doors thou… You'll think he's a very nice guy when you meet him for the first time." The cryptic answer only completely gets caught in the web that is Shikamaru's genius brain, while the others seemingly dreams deeply about what sort of guy the 7th might be. There is some silence as Shikamaru looks searchingly at Naruto's suddenly blank face and the others flow around with dreamy thoughts inside their skulls. It is broken however as Konohamaru mumbles dreamily:

"I wanna meet him." His understanding of Naruto's words was seemingly put together into someone quite great inside Konohamaru's mind.

"What was his name again?" Shikamaru asks conversationally as he suspiciously puts down his chopsticks and turns to Naruto.

"Tanaka Juuichi."

"What a common name."

"Not really."

"Yes, it is."

"Okay, but he's an un-common man."

"He has to be, to have become Hokage. And don't make up words like that."

"I believe in a world free of the boundaries placed by dictionaries."

"That would be a world where nobody could understand anyone."

"Sure they would. You understand me."

"But I have almost grown up with you."

Naruto's eyes hold a teasing glint to them before his face goes blank.

"…so?"

"There's no 'So?'. It is what it is. Don't try to confuse me Naruto. I've been in contact with people trying to get out of paperwork ever since I came here. I will not be fooled by anyone. And at least of all you."

"If we're going to be anal about words, we might as well be anal about context. When you say 'at least of all you' are you aware of that you are contradicting yourself?"

"Wha-WHAT?"

"Riiight, here's dessert everyone!" Choji's interruption is the only thing keeping Shikamaru from going completely out of character and give in to his urge to hit Naruto over the head. He has a hard time dealing with teasing people. He has so much to do. And he's tired, his patience is on its last string. As Choji puts down the dessert before him he gratefully lets the sugar lifts his spirits again.

"So, let's talk about another touchy subject." Choji almost rolls his eyes at Naruto "How's sweet Danzo nowadays?" Naruto mumbles out between chewing the cake and shoving in a new piece.

"The 6th left Konoha as soon as he got here. Nobody who knows wants to tell anyone who doesn't know why. But you would know, wouldn't you? "

"…I do not. That Danzo, eh? A little mysterious, isn't he?" The rapid questions do little to convince the rest that he is ignorant to exactly what Danzo has done, and the next sentence helps even less. "Why, you want to convict him for any of crimes he's committed? The Uchiha's a bit testy perhaps?"

"All is forgiven as we cross over. That's why Orochimaru is working for Konoha here. So don't go causing a ruckus when you see him or anyone else that you remember to be an enemy, ok?"

"….I'd just like to say that severely doubt the whole 'all is forgiven'-principle."

"Yes, you of all should…" Shikamaru murmurs before Konohamaru happily starts to deceivingly sweet ask:

"Sooo, you wanna tell us about Danz-" only to be cut off by Naruto:

"Dream on."

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Later as Naruto cleans up the apartment after his friends has left for their homes, someone knocks on his door. After taking a look at the little, dark red, plastic alarm clock, located on the table next to the purple vase that clashes with his walls (that he found in a dumpster and brought home and cleaned up) he figures that a visit at 11 pm is not what one would call a social call and that it is probably something important. So without thinking he opens the door and comes face to face with a man that makes all the colors disappear from his face as he whispers quietly:

"No. No." And then a bit louder and more desperate "NO NO NO! What happened? Why did you die?!"

"Uhm, it was an accident and-" the pale, thin grey-blonde man answers as he rolls back onto his heels uncertainly.  
"Accident my ass. Come inside before you fall though that rotting floor." The sentences are spit out fiendishly. But Naruto can not help it. He had hoped to not see this man so soon. Did not want to see him for a long, long time to be honest.

"W-what a nice place." The man stammers uncertainly as he sits down carefully on the couch.

"…" Naruto only glares at him while muttering under his breath.

"The green is a bit…imposing though." Is the only thing the other can think of trying to catch the others attention with.

The blonde man continues to ignore him, and as the face quickly becomes an irritated red Naruto bits out slowly:

"What. Exactly. Happened. Juuichi?"

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I hope this helps answer some off your questions. Please remember to review^^


	5. Fourth chapter

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto in anyway. A genius in Japan does.

**Note: **I was planning going to babble on about the background for awhile longer, but I'm getting bored so I'll jump start this story right away. I've decided to use the Hokage's titles when they speak to Naruto in order to emphasize the chilly relation between them. The other Japanese titles are in a way used randomly in places were I feel there is no English the next chapter it will be more fixed I rpmoise. Please enjoy this chapter for a long while, because I'll be writing at least two new chapter for this story's companion-story "Secrets". Before those are published I will probably not start writing the next chapter for this one. It will probably take a week.

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**Chapter 4: Fight! The Revolutionist Vs. the Righteous!**

The room's high, dome-like wooden ceiling looms over Naruto's head as he massaged his aching head. Things had severely gone out of hand back there, and he knows that he will have to be careful in order to avoid making it worse. As he raises his head to face the five desks with their respective owners again he grasps for something to say. The Shodaime's frown deepens as his voice cuts through the tensed room.

"EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"

And Naruto thinks, annoyed, that had he had a good excuse for this, he would have answered already. But he does not. There were papers, contracts which he signed a long time ago. He is uncertain of whether it is still valid or if he can go ahead as he deems fit. He could ask them if the secret contracts signed between the council and someone is canceled in the afterlife. But then they would know something is up, and the contract specifically said to keep the existence of the contract a secret. Besides, the council had taken a lot of time off to hammer into his skull that, affairs related to the contract should never be decided by him personally as he is too emotionally involved.

Thus Naruto knows that this is not going to be solved as easily as he would like. They are not just going to let this go with a warning. Despite this, he secretly wishes that he was still a boy and they would let it go, just like that. He wishes that the Sandaime would look as aged as he used to, and not as young as he is now, and smile kindly while sternly admonish him, as if he just had made a prank. And not all stranger-like and frozen as he is now.

"Uzumake, we are waiting for your response." The sharp voice of the Sandaime cuts him off in his daydreaming. And in response to this Jiraya shifts his weight in his dark corner by the Godaime's desk, as if he is the one being questioned and not Naruto. But he says nothing.

Naruto takes another look at all the Hokage's, all of them as young and powerful as they are depictured on the mountain outside the windows behind them. And for a second he feels an urge to laugh at them, because they are all so small and soft compared to the Hokages forever carved into the mountain behind them. Faces of legends, giants compared to the men sitting in their Hokage capes behind huge wooden desks. He has just begun to idly wonder whether they could possibly measure up to their legends, when the Yondaime loses his patience and hits his fist on the overloaded desk, causing documents and pens to fall down onto the floor, as he roars:

"WILL YOU PLEASE ANSWER THE QUESTION?!"

The rest of the inhabitants of the room seem as startled as Naruto at his outburst, but none of them feel as scared as him. Despite everything that has happened, a small, murky part of him, always believed his parents would never dislike him. Ever since he read his files and got to know who they were, he always imagined them to be kind and loving. The perfect parents. He imagined they would be proud of him and cheer him on and always believe in him whole-heartily.

But as the roar forcefully echoes in the room together with the loud sound of his father's fist hitting the table he frantically asks himself it he is supposed to be like that. And he realizes that the man he imagined from all the stories and all the photos might not be the same as the man in front of him. In reality this is a man who officially was a father for no more than a few hours before he died. Why should he feel any responsibility for the grown man in front of him years after?

Despite this, after the shock has worn off, Naruto quickly clears his mind, relaxing his posture in a try to put them all on ease, and says in his most authoritative and professional voice:

"I'm not authorized to say anything about this matter without all members of the council's signatures."

"Oh, for the love of –" the Nidaime's outraged cry is smoothly cut off by the Godaime as she heavily leans forward on her oak desk to calmly take a closer look at Naruto.

"It's admirable that you're loyal to the council, Naruto. But as you know; you can trust us. Perhaps to a more extent than you can trust the council."

Naruto fails to stop the scoff that escapes his mouth at her words.

"I do? " as the Nidaime opens his mouth Naruto realizes that annoying them further perhaps is not the smartest thing to do right now, so he changes the subject instead. "Listen, I know this went bad, but there's no problem now, right? He's fine, everyone is fine and-"

"Why did he appear on your doorstep first?" the Shodaime cuts in.

"Maybe because I was the last one to die, meaning I am the one who he knows the best here. Is it so odd for him to come to me?"

"What was you conversation about?"

"I was just explaining to him how things work here…"

"Is that so…" the Nidaime's doubtful tone only encourages Naruto to explain himself more.

"I was one of his ANBU guards before I got my desk job and even then we still met on regular basis as friends. We were close." As he feels the distrust increase in their faces in response to this, he can not help but become angry. Why is he always the one nobody trusts before he has jumped around like a circus animal, wounding himself in the process?

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm not conspiring against you. But if you give me a few days I'm sure I can at least kill off at least someone, would you be happy to be right then? Should I-" Naruto's sarcasm is interrupted by the Sandaime raising his hands in a calming fashion.

"We are not here to find any faults in you. Quite the opposite, the reason we are doing this ourselves is to solve this matter as quickly and smoothly as possible in order to avoid any problems for you. We know you are having a hard time, but please have patience with us. We are stressed right now too."

"…"

"So you're just his friend?" The Godaime ask quickly before Naruto's foul facial expression is voiced once again for all to hear.

"More or less."

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"Well?" at Naruto's inquisitive tone Juuichi looked away nervously as he wetted his dry lips.

"Well?!" and the man on the couch breaks.

"I think I took too many tablets!"

Naruto can only stare emptily at the small from that is Tanaka Juuichi, the 7th Hokage of Konoha, infamous for his skills in battle and now victim to his own foolishness. As his knees fold under him he sits down in the couch burying his face in his hands.

"Oh, dear God."

"I had some problems after you died. There was so much stress, and you were my mentor! My friend! And-"

"For how long have you been here?"

"Since this afternoon. I got into the village a few hours ago and there was this center, where they helped me because I'm Hokage, they helped me find you address…But I think they've got your name wrong beca-"

"Okay, this is what we'll do; you're going to follow the terms in the contract as usual. Okay?"

"I'm not sure I can. Those months without you, I really couldn't do it. You always helped me,. I was just supposed to be the face of the Hokage and not actual do the work. I really can't do it, my nerves they're-"

"I KNOW! Juuichi, I know, but you must fix it somehow. Things are a lot complicated here and it seems as if the best course of action is to hide me out here."

"What if they want proof? I was good as a shinobi, but I'm below average when it comes to Hokage duties! But now, my nerves, they're really acting up, I think-" Juuichi's eyes never leaves Naruto's form that is now located on the armrest of the couch.

"We'll fix your nerves. Just stay calm and-"

"DO I LOOK CALM TO YOU?!" Juuichi squeaked.

"If you take a deep breath -"

"I'm dead, in the middle of this place with too many people, after several months in hell trying to convince people I've not gone senile, because I really couldn't do the job without you and now you want me to trick people smarter than both of us ever were?! Argh!" the frustrated tears and rambling climaxes as Juuichi flops down on his back in the newly washed couch.

"I don't wanna be here."

As Naruto opens his mouth to reply "you poor thing" sarcastically, the window in the room silently shatters as two ANBUs softly slip down onto the floor inside the apartment. One of them starts to say something muffled to Naruto that he can not make out, but by the hand gesture he figures it is something like "give up peacefully". However, before he can even open his mouth to respond, the other ANBU speeds quickly towards him, armed with a short sword. And since Naruto is unarmed, he, by reflex, tears the bedroom door off its hinges with a burst of Chakra enhanced muscles and swings it in the ANBU's general direction as a shield. No doubt scaring him or her with his strength.

In order to cover for his ducking colleague the previously peace offering ANBU releases a Kanton jutsu towards Naruto who quickly rolls out of the way and trips up the other ANBU who has gone after the abhorred Juuichi in the couch. As Naruto holds down the ANBU the other one starts up a new ninjustsu, no doubt afraid of getting to close to Naruto and his strength, that releases a cloud of gas inside the room, quickly disturbing the visibility in the room. As Naruto knows there is an inbuilt gasmask into the ANBU masks he does not hesitate to forcefully tear off the mask from the man under him, and puts it over his own face to take a deep breath as the ANBU beneath him struggles under his weight for a few more seconds before going slack.

As Naruto hears a call from the other side of the room from the other ANBU, no doubt wanting to hear the status of his colleague, he stands up and picks up from the floor the metal handle of the vacuum cleaner that had been disconnected from the machine itself and takes a swing at the silhouette by the window. Leaving the last ANBU to only discern a vague, black man emerge from within the gas filled room before everything goes black.

Then Naruto gives Shikamaru a call.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV**end of flashback**VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

"Very well, then we'll just have to question Tanaka Juuichi and you'll be able to go home."

"One second, please." As Jiraya's voice startles the rest of us he steps up to me and look searchingly at me, before turning around and facing the Hokages.

"I would like to ask for permission to have Uzumake accompany me on my new mission. I'll keep an eye on him of course." I can see the Nidaime and Shodaime throwing each other doubtful glances at each other in the corner of my vision. But I, I am to busy trying to keep tears at bay. This last week it had felt like they all had lost their faith in me. Like I was their friend only, not a comrade they have fought alongside for years. It feels so good.

"Jiraya you know-"  
"If he's like this after a week in the library he'll really go stir-crazy after a month. Sensei and Tsunande, you know this too."

"Very well, but make sure to not draw too much attention to each other. That is the only condition. Do you understand this, Uzumake?" Shodaime's expression is stern, and somehow I understand instinctively, that I will never leave the library again if the smallest of details go wrong. _But I won't fail them. This is my chance to help myself._

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"So, if we have understood this correctly so far, there is something we do not know. Would you like to inform us?" Sarutobi asks conversationally the bulky man on the chair in front of us.

He was a member in the council before he died, but due to the council being overstaffed he has been working in the secret archives for us for quite some time. It is very practical since he is loyal to us and at the same time has information about things the council would rather us not knowing anything about.

Luckily, the council did not get a hold of him before we did, or he would be too scared to tell us this information. He will probably fall into disgrace because of this in the council. But after having interviewed Naruto who simply seemed to hate and distrust us all and Mr. Tanaka who seemed to have everything but confidence in himself as a Hokage, we concluded that it was important to talk to someone who had not promised to stay silent,

"The Tanaka affair? Well, we're not supposed to. There's a contract were everyone who knew about this had to sign. For safety reasons, you know."

"But we" Sarutobi pauses to gesture at us, his colleagues before continuing "are the Hokages. For us to efficiently protect this village we need to know everything that is going on."

"…It's called the Second-contract."

"Why?"

"I only tell you this because I feel you should know, okay? Do not tell anyone I did, okay?"

"Of course." Tsunande quietly promises.

"It is a contract that binds everyone to not reveal whom the Hokage really IS."

"Is Tanaka's identity supposed to be secret?" I inquire, trying despite everything to keep my curiosity at bay.

"No, not at all. It's just that, he's not the Hokage."

"Pardon?"

"Look, after the downfall of the Akatsuki thirty years ago, well, here it's more like three years, but never mind, because of all of the tailed beasts being eradicated except the Kyuubi there was some unrest, politically that is. Most nations felt that Konoha had a weapon that could destroy them without actually trying and they had nothing to defend themselves with. So we more or less, in order to calm them down, came up with a plan."

At this we can not help but to glance nervously at each other, hoping that this will not disturb OUR plans.

"Sort of what you're doing now; with your son Yondaime-sama." He says it as if I did it with joy in my heart and song in my breath, like it was easy "Anyway, we had Uzumaki-e go away incognito on a mission, but to the rest we said he was put in an isolation cell."

"Isolation cell?!" Tsunande's outraged yell interrupts him.

"Yes…there was some familiar reaction back then to that. But after awhile, as things went along we were able to call him back due to…some circumstances with the sixth Hokage." Before anyone in the room has a chance to open their mouth to question him about it he continues "Anyway, we noticed that most people that knew of the Kyuubi could not connect it to Uzumake , nor knew any of his friends at that he was its vessel, so we set up him as an ANBU, in the shadows of course, when things went bad again. However, fifteen years ago, or here like-"

"We get it."

"Okay. Anyway, we needed a new Hokage anyway. And Uzumake was perfect for the job in regards to his knowledge, skills and wit; he was just what the world needed. But sadly, we had kept him in the shadows for so long that he had no reputation outside the inner circle of Konoha besides the records of him being the Kyuubi vessel by a few privileged. And we did not want to bring up that ordeal again so we decided to have someone play the part superficially and have-"

"Naruto do the entire job?"  
"He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it. But then again, he had a lot of plans, we had a rough time keeping up with him, did you kno-"

"Why would Uzumake keep this secret now? "

The man shrugged before saying mysteriously:

"We worked with him for decades and none of us ever knew what he was thinking. But there were reasons for that of course."

"Reasons?"  
"You'll have to talk with Uzumake-sama about that." Then after seemingly having contemplated something he continued "Sirs, if I may advice you? Just remember that this man though he looks and behaves like an irresponsible brat, he is every inch remarkable as any of you. You'll do a grave mistake in looking down on him. You really should read about the Shichidaime's accomplishments."

"Thank you for your time." The Shodaime murmurs as the man rises and bows.

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"I trust you to take care of this now, Jiraya." His voice is quiet but stern and she can not help but to smile as she hears Jiraya soothingly reply:

"Don't worry, Tsunande will help me."  
"But seriously, Jiraya, if they as much as guess-" the nervousness breaks through the stern tone of his voice and she can almost imagine him looking pleadingly into the eyes of his teacher. She rolls onto her stomach on their bed to look out though the window. The sky is still a bit of a mushy grey and she can hear the gravel under their feet as one of them nervously grinds it into the ground.

"It will be fine. Everything is fixed. Do you have everything you need?"

"Yes." She can hear him heft his bag a bit, as the sound of cloth straining reaches her on the cold bed in the room.

"Then get going." Jiraya seems elated and younger than she's heard him since their "son" showed up.

"I am." The nervousness in his voice is almost tangible in the morning air before the sounds of someone walking off into town reaches Kushina's ears.

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**Please remember to review before going off to the next story! Thank you.**


	6. Fifth chapter

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

**Warning:** Since I'm not a native English speaker I can't authentically imitate dialectic speech. But as you might notice in this chapter, I tried anyway. If anyone needs translation just let me know!

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**Chapter 5: Teacher! It's too cold in here!**

The nervous tickling in his muscles is the only thing keeping Naruto on his feet as he has never really been a morning person. There is an excitement in all of his thoughts, even the simplest ones. Yesterday, after the meeting, he had flittered around crazily; trying to find supplies for the travel and also tools like kunais and scrolls should he need to defend himself. It had almost been midnight by the time he was finished with all the preparations; exploding tags painted and dried, seals drawn and hidden away, wires secured and bag packed to perfection.

And now as he stood inside the gate, waiting for his travelling partner, feeling the weight of it all; the expectation, excitement, he could not help but to think silently to himself whether he was heading in the wrong direction or not. Logically he should be able to rely on Jiraya and besides, this would help him get a better picture of the situation; the supposed tension between the villages. But still, after the first rush of excitement to be trusted by his old teacher the reluctance to head out started to make itself known.

"You're up bright and early, Brat!" as he hears the call he contemplates telling Jiraya that his age is on par with his, but decides that he likes being referred to as young rather than old. Therefore he replies as happily as he is able this early in the morning:

"We're not all old men, sleeping in coffins and what not."

"Coffins?! I'm old, not the UNDEAD!" the reply borders on outraged and so an amused Naruto decides to push it a bit further.

"Sometimes I wonder…"

"Tsk, let's just get going, I'll debrief you of our mission on the way."

"Is that so wise? What if someone overhears?"

"Ah, to be young and ignorant again!" the dramatic wistful look was exchanged for a sly one as he lays his arm around Naruto's shoulders before starting to drag him out of the village.

"Don't worry; I'll know if someone does."

Naruto however, felt that relying only on that seemed foolish, so he decided to wait until tonight when they made camp to question Jiraya about everything. Besides, there were other things he wanted to ask now; now when he had had the time to digest everything that this new place entailed.

"How are you doing?" the question seemingly startles Jiraya, who stops by the edge of the forest to regard Naruto closely before replying.

"Fine, why?"

"You have seemed unhappy since I arrived here. Now you seem happy. Why?"

Jiraya slowly rocks back on his heels, looking up into the clouds, contemplative, before replying airily:

"That's a good question. But you see; I have secrets too." At this Naruto snorts before replying haughtily:

"When you say that, I really don't wanna know."

"…Why?"

As Naruto for the first time since they stopped by the edge of the forest, turns to Jiraya he notices that the other seems disappointed somehow. But truthfully, Naruto do want to know what has been bothering Jiraya; he just can not make himself play along with Jiraya's childish behavior. If Jiraya wanted to play hard to get, then let him. Naruto has his own problems to deal with.

What role would he like to play in this life? Where is he needed? What does he want? He is forced to shake all those thoughts off in order to reply to Jiraya. But before he does, he jumps up onto the closest branch in the tree above them, signaling that he thinks it is time to go.

"Because your secrets usually have roots in what most people would call 'harassment' and 'molesting'. And I'm in too much shit right now to be a witness in some trial…" at the end of his sentence Jiraya had joined him in the tree, and they finally take off.

"What do you think of me? Really! I might have peeped a few times but I'm not-"

"When you died your lawyer showed up." Naruto drawled in response as he ducked under a branch.

"- and you will not tell a soul." Jiraya quickly snapped back.

"You think any sane person would brag about that?" the accusative tone in his voice propels Jiraya to reply so quietly any normal person would not be able to hear it over the sound of air moving past their ears.

"Naruto, listen, I-" But Naruto does hear and takes pity on him, interrupting him quickly.

"You don't have to explain yourself. Right and wrong gets blurred when the whole world feels like hell, I know."

"Thank you."

"Still, I was never dumb enough to get caught…" the sly words are immediately responded to:

"Excuse me?!" the yell echoes through the wind cut forest as the mountains in the horizon moves closer.

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As the last part of the campfire turns into embers and Naruto feels his eyelids sting as he stares into the glowing coals, he senses something under the surface of his skin that he should know, but feels forgotten. He sighs heavily, feeling the emptiness of his stomach, as the only dinner tonight had been some pills to keep his energy up. He throws a glance at Jiraya who is in a foster position on his right, with his back to him, giggling at times at something he is writing down. Something Naruto feels no obligation or curiosity to look into.

He returns his gaze to the embers again, feeling his eyes dry up again but wills himself not to close them. The guilt his heavy on his shoulders. He, who has preached so much about peace, are heading for a blacksmith specialist to get weapons in preparations of war and at the same time scout out what the other villages are getting. HE! The image of himself that he had been so proud over during the last years of his life seems to crinkle and blacken, as if It were the thing being burnt in the fire and not some oak twigs. His eyes are screaming for mercy by now, but he has no strength to close them and go to bed, not when there are so many decisions to make.

In the end he absent-mindedly calls out to his teacher who by now is on his stomach, still giggling, seemingly reading something entertaining. The reply he gets is just as absent-minded which is why he quickly picks up a bright piece of coal and lobs it in the other's general direction, provoking a shrill scream from the older male.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Sssssh!"

"Don't shush me you little devil-spawn-rascal-disaster-"

As Jiraya settles down again after a brief fire, were the only thing lost were some pages of his book, he sprouts curses and in general curses Naruto. Said man sighs as he sits up straighter, preparing to put Jiraya straight about what he think about all of this. It is the right thing to do; Jiraya has never done anything to deserve being lied to by him.

"I don't want to take any part in preparing the village for war." He finally spits out in the middle of Jiraya's rambling, cutting him off short.

"Excuse me?"

"I said-"

"I know what you said; I'm just questioning your sanity." Jiraya snarls "Do you even know why we're going to war?"

"Do I need to know? I know we're going to war because for some reason you can't act like adults-"

"We're out of options and don't you dare say this is childish, this is serious business and-"

"NOT CHILDISH? You've all had some sort of play up for years, putting in stand-ins and what not, and not only that, as far as I can understand you've never even tried to create a long lasting peace because-"

"That's unfair."

"Because if you had, you wouldn't have this B-teams and "we're all tools"- shit always in function! If you would've liked to have a long lasting peace you'd go into the conference room unharmed, prepared to make sacrifices financially and time-wise. You would have been honest with the other Kages and tried to establish not who of them you are allies with, but who of them could be possible business partners! You wouldn't have looked for signs of them betraying you, you paranoid geezer!" At the end of Naruto's furious rant Jiraya just stares at him before quietly murmuring:

"Naruto there's a lot of people around here who has grudges from life, who can't forgive, who-"

"And just accepting that is going to make everything fine? Just letting them go to war so that this whole thing gets more infected is the way to go?! What the f*ck Jiraya!"

Jiraya, despite by all appearances seemingly being in his twenties, suddenly looks very pale; his eyes sunken and the embers throwing looming shadows behind him, leaving him to look fallen and almost defeated. When he speaks, it's tiredly but forceful as if he tries to convince Naruto of something he expects him to get immediately. Like it is a universal truth.

"After everything that has happened, I feel that, humans are too destructive. Everything sooner or later falls apart in their hands; it's much harder for them to do the right thing, than it is to do the wrong. In the end, we'll never achieve peace…"

Naruto studies him quietly before he too, quietly whispers:

"Everything is a circle, sooner or later everything happens, that's just how things are, Jiraya. What we can do, however, is regulate how often they do occur…" Then after licking his dry lips, he continues again, his voice now more forceful and steeled. "Under my years of living I realized that children are taught about pride, honor and loyalty, right and wrong. But everything that is learnt has to have a basis. A starting point. In the end there're only two of them. Hate and love. It's instinctual, a mother loves her child just because, you hate the man who harmed you, a stranger that saves your life make you trust them and you love your own life."

He stops to look sort of disappointed in his own words as if he, himself, feels that he's not saying the right things, but in the end he continues after taking a deep breath.

"Back then, when someone wanted to protect what they loved, they felt satisfaction when they succeed, and then after generations of being taught this, people started to yearn for that satisfaction and in the end they valued the pride they felt for their honor more than the thing or the one they loved from the start. It sort of dissolved when you put yourself into the center of everything. Parents teach their children that it is okay to do stupid things for their pride and honor while ignoring other issues in favor of this. "Pride" and "honor" is something a single person has. "Love" and "joy" you can share and by doing so, one helps others to realize what is important. You know this already, right?"

"But you said hate was just as basic as love…" Jiraya murmurs dejectedly as if he does not get why he is being lectured on something that obviously holds no real value in the end.

"And it is; we're human. It's natural for us to hate things that have done us wrong or scared us. But stronger men do not stop on the road to their dream to take revenge; they do not let fear break them down. They look at a person and see his or hers problems, forgive them or at the very least ignore them. Because Life is not all about you and them." the scolding look Naruto by now gives Jiraya does not have any effect whatsoever on the other man who has now adopted a slightly pitying look, but still Naruto continues on, hoping that something he says will stick in that mind of his.

"Because everything you do affects everyone else, big and small. Sometimes so little that it's hardly noticeable. But we do affect each other, you can never deny that. And to give up and just say that you can't hold on or you can't forgive them, obviously means that you have to stop and ask yourself _why_. Why can't you forgive them? Closure could be one reason, but it could also be that you feel broken yourself, that just because someone has done you a great injustice or ruined your life, then you have the right to do so as well. But you never do. You have just as large right to do that injustice to him, as he had to do it to you." By now Jiraya has propped up his chin on his elbow and is nodding politely, provoking Naruto to speak a bit louder, more frustrated.

"What he did and what you feel is obviously connected, but it will not solve anything. It will not make things undone. So it's just as big a waste as the deed was from the beginning. Someone kills your wife, so you kill his. Two women are dead, and two hateful men wage war. It seems simple when you say it like that, but the real test is when you wife dies and you live on, not stopping on your way to pass on the hate. Then you'll give yourself right. We'll never have peace. You're a Konoha spokesperson, peace starts with you." By the end of the sentence Naruto gestures with his palm towards the other as if to hand him something.

"There're too many holes in that theory." Jiraya sighs as he looks, slightly sad, at Naruto's outstretched palm. Naruto however just shrugs, distancing himself emotionally from the disappointment of failing to make one of his role-models understand his thoughts.

"I know. But I only lived 55 years so what do you expect? The answer to everything?"

"…still, it's worth thinking about." Jiraya tries to placate the man who he can, despite everything, see is a bit upset.

"Everything is. Just don't give up yet. There's still time, we're still alive, well you know what I mean, and so far there's been nobody around to tell us fate really exist. So let's believe in what we felt from the beginning, ok?" The last bit is said so airily that someone who just joined the conversation would never suspect Naruto himself to actually believe in it. But he does.

"Sure." Jiraya murmurs as he turns away from the fire to lie down to sleep. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

The small blacksmith village at the edge of the Iron country is covered in a cold, grey fog that looms over the stone walls surrounding the village as we arrive out of breath from the climb up the mountain. A guard, sporting a white counterpart to our jounin uniform, hidden inside the wall a few meters away from the gate, emerges from seemingly nowhere and pierces us with a cold stare, but does not say anything. Which is typical for those who have lived too long in these cold mountains; they all appear to have become as cold and sharp as their home environment. It is not like Konoha itself does not have the same phenomenon, but it is easier to detect it abroad.

Some sort of falcon, almost invisible due to its camouflaging feathers, calls out to the village down in the valley where it is located. The call is quickly smothered by the grey fog, quite the opposite of what one would expect in this vast landscape.

I look away from the guard whose outline disappears and reappears depending upon the winds' movement of the fog around us to think. My eyes, tired from having focus to hard on the white guard instead focus on the dark, dull black figure that I know is my teacher. Silence reigns for one more minute before I decide that whatever Jiraya is trying to do, or tell the guard through his gaze, he is failing at it pretty well. And so I clear my throat loudly, making the guard startled turn in my direction, and say as solid and concise as I can:

"We have an appointment with Tetsuji." And after this I throw myself headfirst into a short staring contest with the well-wrapped guard who after a while nods, almost with his whole body due to his sturdy clothes disturbing his mobility. And with that he knocks on the oak gate that opens up a tiny bit to let us squeeze through. Once we are on the other side and well on our way on the muddy path inside the village Jiraya walks closer to me and hisses out from within the darkness between his scarf and hood:

"I told you to let me handle it!!!"

"I was going to. But then again, I didn't know you were going to flirt with 'im!" it's hard to speak with my lips dry and smarting.

"I have more experience than you when it comes to dealing with these people and-"

"'These people'?! They're not aliens! And for your information I've been here before!!"

"I thought you didn't like war and therefore you wouldn't involve yourself with weapon makers!" the mocking, condescending tone makes me whirl around and step so close to him I can smell the alcohol fumes from the sake he sips whenever he thinks I am not watching.

"These 'weapon-makers' of yours are people too. In times of peace they needed help to relocate to other business! I helped! I probably know more about them than you do!" the last hiss cuts my dry throat so I turn around and continue walking down the road towards the building where Tetsuji's family and workshop is located.

It is not until I am almost by the door and have knocked once already that Jiraya appears by my side again, breathing heavily and stinking even more of alcohol, muttering under his breath about 'immature brats'. I do not comment on it. _Whatever helps him shake of the fear from before._

The guilt of having scared him is still heavy in my chest. But I square my jaw and focus on the iron door that by now is shrilling horrifically as someone inside pushes it outwards to open it. By the time I have pushed Jiraya's muttering form out of the way and side-stepped the door myself a short, hairy, stumpy man with clear grey eyes peers up at my hooded form.

"Who're you?" the voice is raspy despite the man's youthful appearance and I find myself grasping for an answer. But before I can open my mouth Jiraya choppily interjects:

"We're from Konoha. Let us in. It's freezing out here."

The little man only nods quietly before letting us into the entrance hall where I recognize a metal box as the shoe warmer and put my soggy shoes on the warm metal before pulling off all of my layers of jackets and pants. Leaving me in just some cotton slacks and button-up shirt. But inside the house the air is even dryer than it was outside and way warmer, so in the end I feel as if I would like to pull of my shirt as well.

We enter the kitchen as the man starts to look through a cupboard, and I lean thankful on the warm wooden wall as Jiraya sits down in the wooden couch by the grey fireplace. It is not until shining metallic cups of warm rosehip tea are presented to us that I sit down beside Jiraya. As Tetsuji starts talking, I notice that the stiffness in my knees has not quite left my body yet.

"Well, everythin' is readi when you want it. you coul' take it and go righ' awai, but I reckon you want some rest, yes?"

Since Jiraya only nods I quietly answer in his place:

"We would be very grateful, thank you."

The man nods in Jiraya's direction before asking:

"Should I get you some futons?"

"Yes, please." I can not help but to feel a bit annoyed. I know he is tired, and have drunk a lot, and had a tough day. But still. He is my teacher.

When Tetsuji returns awhile later to tell us he has placed two futons in the other room I shake Jiraya a bit to wake him and point him in the right direction. And after having gathered his wits enough to know what he is supposed to go, he walks slowly through the door and disappears into the other room's gloom.

I continue to drink the thick, red tea knowing that I will have trouble sleeping in this smothering heat. After awhile Tetsuji, who until now had been browsing through some books, clears his throat jerking me out of my daze.

"So whi is it?"

"Why is what?"

"The war." When he sees that my confused facial expression did not dissolve from his words he repeated himself.

"Whi is it war again?"

The dry sigh that leaves my whole body carries quiet words that have Tetsuji nod in understanding. The contemplating silence that follows is broken by him as he murmurs a bit tiredly:

"It's almos' like 'tis fate." I only grunt in response, too tired to try to convince him of that it is not.

"And to think it was onli a year 'go tha' we we'r goin' to stop this weapin pruduction." This immediately has me wide awake again.

"Huh?"

"Hm?"

"What happened? Why didn't you?"

"Well, ther' was that assassinasion o' that cousin to the fire countri daimyo and after that…Well, allies rushe' to their allies, so to speak." He suddenly stops his slow explanation to peer suspiciously at me.

"Whi don' you know this?"

And I can only shrug. Because I do not want to tell him that I never stopped to consider why we are preparing for war. Do not want to tell him that despite my age and experiences, I did not figure out sooner that something needed to be investigated in Konoha. I should get back fast so that I can get hold of Tsunande. Because she has never done this you're-just-a-kid-so-you-don't-get-to-be-treated-as-a-colleauge-shit. She will answer all of my questions. A fire of anticipation springs to life in my chest. War I do not like, but working to help people solve things I do. Therefore I turn to Tetsuji and ask quietly:

"You think it would be possible for us to move out early tomorrow? Before breakfast?"  
He merely nods and answers:

"I'll have the packages ready for you."

A true businessman to the core.

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**Note:** first of all; Many, many Thanks to Frostius, cheesy, Lady Artemist, everything but nothing, bob and artsycherry! Your reviews really brightened my day! Also thanks to dundee998 and Crytpon89 who has really given me good feedback on what you like! I am very grateful. (Also, I know that the last chapter's last part was very confusing, but that was sort of the point, so please have patience with me…)

**Lastly, a sadistic experiment: if I receive 15 reviews more before Thursday (it's 31 of them right now) then the next chapter will be up by Friday. If not, I'll prioritize the next chapter of Secrets instead. Evil? Yes, but that's why I called it sadistic. **

**So please review!**


	7. Sixth chapter

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto or anything related to the concept. The only thing I have made is the plot. That is all.

**Note: **Sorry this update is a bit late, I have been a bit sick with the flu (not the dangerous kind though). The down side to this is probably the grammar mistakes because I don't focus right now as well as I usually do. Anyway, this had an upside to it as I have had a lot of fever dreams (you know the ones where your head still hurt from having a chair fall on you head in the dream?). And boy did it inspire me, the last seven chapters of this story (there is going to be 30 chapters) are now completely re-planned. But don't worry; they are a lot, lot better now. So please enjoy this new chapter.

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**Chapter 6: Broken bones and a hundred different emotions coming home. **

There are dim tendrils of sun beams piercing the powdered morning fog as they step outside Tetsuji's house. Due to having difficulties falling asleep, there are maggots of frustration in every sinew and joint that is moved as Naruto tries to stretch in a wide arc. The dull surroundings dampen the bright color of blonde that is not yet hidden by the hood as he takes another look around him at the sleepy mountain village. The brisk air is a contrast to the bleak and grey wooden houses that loom like huge mountain trolls by the road to the village gate. As if they would rise any given moment, and strike the travelers flat, if they should ever feel tempted to.

Next to Naruto a tall black silhouette talks in hushed whispers to a very short, hairy man who nods at times as he hands over a huge backpack to the black silhouette. As the sound, of a door that is thrown open in the heart of the bowl shaped village, echoes the three men nods towards each other before parting silently.

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The moist sound of boots stepping in mud follows the depressed looking pair like a comical soundtrack, as if the mud tries conceal that the two men is no longer talking to each other with a joke. At times the dark blue man stretch a hand out to pick something up on the rocky mountain path as they go down, or to tear off a twig of a willow to absently play with, or to hold on to something as the path gets steeper. The men will soon reach the foot of the mountain chain and enter the wide, green-grey plains between the three countries Fire, Wind and Rock, and they have still not said a word to each other since they entered the weapon makers' village.

They had been unable to find out what the other countries had ordered as Tetsuji had claimed that he only had received orders from Konoha. A claim not entirely unrealistic as the weapons had been made fairly quickly. But Tetsuji is a business man to the core; therefore it would not be very improbable that he lied to protect his business. But then again, the plain breakfast hinted that Tetsuji might have been short on money before he got his payment for the weapons yesterday. It is hard to tell. They have been walking for hours now, and their feet are pained, lips are dry and the fatigue from the tension in the air makes them walk a bit wilted, as if they were not on their way home.

As the grey smoke from the chimneys of the iron mine factory billows in the horizon, the men simultaneously change course for the huge village next to the mine that glows warmly in the gloom of the plain and the darkness of the forest that begins behind it. As they edge closer the echoing sound of the villagers calling out to each other as the night descends and laughter from academy students celebrating the end of the week reaches the tired men's ears. The sound seems to edge the village closer to their dark silhouettes and they walk a bit faster, hungry from not having eaten anything since morning.

There is no wall guarding the village, there are only scattered huts that signal the edge of the village, but it is soon a quiet suburban street that they are travelling on. The taller man murmurs something that the other replies to quickly, as he had been itching to strike up a conversation all day.

"I'll go with you. That way I can keep an eye on you."

But as they enter the red districts fifteen minutes later the shorter man seems to regret his statement. He starts to slow down and walk in a strange pattern behind the other man, as if trying to hide in his shadow that flickers as the wind rattles the red lanterns. The taller one however just sighs and continues on, as if he has not noticed the distress of the other.

And in the end they enter a huge underground restaurant of sorts. The brick walls are covered by cheap cloths of dark purple and scarlet red as if to give the illusion that the customers are not located in a basement, in the middle of nowhere, next to a huge iron mine, but in an exotic place far away.

The small metal table, where they settle down on some plain chairs, has no table cloth but the short, stubby candle spreads a sweet vanilla scent and its flame is reflected warmly on the shining iron table. As the waitress shows up after they have peeled of most of their outer clothing, the older man speaks up first:

"Hi there, I would like some sort of meat, anything you can recommend really, and some rice to go with that of course. Then some sake with that and I'd be really happy." At the end of his sentence, a silly smile breaks out on Jiraya's face as he leans towards the waitress who, trying to be coy, giggles in a squealing fashion before turning her head around so fast it is a surprise to Naruto that it does not come off.

"I'd like miso ramen, some yakiniku, rice, some very light sake-" the young man takes a deep breath and then continues rapidly, "and all the desserts in the menu."

The waitress and his partner stare at him incredulously for a moment before Jiraya opens his mouth to sputter confused:

"All the-. What the-. Do you want to become fat?"

"I think I'd be a great fat person. And I'm hurt you don't think so too." Naruto takes Jiraya's menu from him as the other replies amusedly:

"What are you going to do if you're attacked then?"

"Roll away." Naruto smartly replies before he hands his and Jiraya's menu to the waitress who, dazed, walks away, towards the door that leads to the kitchen.

"Are you tying to console yourself by eating, or something?"

"Why do you think that?"

"Well-"  
"I have a sweet-tooth. And that's the end of that. Now, where are we going to sleep tonight?"

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"So, what was he like?" the steam from the hot ramen drift lazily across the table in the stuffy room as Naruto looks inquiringly at Jiraya.

"Who?" Jiraya chokes out as he stuffs his face with pieces of steak.

"The daimyo's cousin. The one who got killed." Naruto leisurely replies before he takes another mouthful of the warm noodles. His question makes Jiraya freeze and frown as he studies Naruto. Then he opens his mouth with a questioning facial expression only to shake his head and go back to eating while tiredly explaining.

"Jin was very well liked. He had an important position within the politics of the Daimyo's house. He was travelling to meet with some ambassadors when they got him." He stops to take a deep breath and pick up his bowl of rice so that he can lean back in his chair. "He was very active as an ambassador himself. He used to mediate whenever people got to hot headed. He wanted to put an end to all wars. That was his dream." Jiraya's voice is light and there is an air of mirth in it. As if he does not know whether he should laugh at it, or to continue until the end. "You would have liked him. You had similar interests I suppose. He was a civilian though. I used to act as a body guard for him, but then, when I turned away for one second, the ones who were supposed to meet up with him never showed up and he was assassinated in the conference room were they should have gathered."

"So who killed him?"

"All traces of the battle points towards Rock. Land slides, crushed furniture. Crushed skull." In the end Jiraya's voice is so thin, eyes so haunted, the smile so crooked that Naruto expect him to actually start crying. But he does not. He takes a chug of sake before he turns to the waitress, who is stopping by with Naruto's desserts, a flirty smile and asks her when she gets off.

At the same time Naruto can not help but to feel guilt slide into him. That and a very frustrated feeling. It took so long to get Jiraya and Tsunande to start hoping again. And all it took to make it undone was one person's death. 'Sometimes' Naruto absently thinks, as the waitress leans over Jiraya to give him a good view of her cleavage and Naruto his desserts 'I wish that I could make friends with people who don't bury themselves in their failures.'

As Jiraya gropes the giggling waitress, Naruto tiredly leans back with a bowl of ice cream in his lap in order to distance himself from the flirty pair. The chair is rickety, and the motion leaves him swaying a bit as he settles down, a bit more balanced, and puts the first spoon of vanilla ice cream in his mouth. Letting it melt as he lets the new information sink in.

Suddenly, there is someone in the corner of his vision, a person he instinctually recognizes and a chill claws its way through his chest as he pulls up his hood again, hiding his head from view, hoping that she has not already seen him. Since she is now out of his field of vision, he tries to calm down his breathing, forgetting about the oblivious pair across the table as he shakily picks up another spoon of ice cream, puts it in his mouth, and bits down hard on the spoon handle closing his eyes tightly, silently screaming for this to be a nightmare.

_A vision of soft hands caressing his nose, his cheeks, neck. A voice whispering how much she loves him, adores him. Never wants to leave him. Saying everything he ever wanted to hear. Feeling a warm body next to his, a beating heart against the palm of his hand. Soft, soft breaths as she exhales against his shoulder. Warm brown eyes looking, so much in love, at him as he twist his head on their pillow to make eye contact with her. He loves her so much. He does not ever want to let her go. And it is still spring. _

_Then a vision of her muttering angrily off to the side as he trying futilely to catch his breath, only to cough up more mucus and saliva, desperately reaching for her as he struggles to understand what happened, if she is real, if she is all right. When she finally turns away from the wardrobe to look at him, she frowns and then she puts his, no hers he thinks, pillow over his head muttering about difficult people and easy money. He does not struggle, because he wonders whether it is some form of CPR, if she is trying to wipe of the mucus, if she thinks it is disgusting, if they teach CPR at the civilian schools. And then suddenly, there is a small crack and then the pillow his torn off his head as the medic nin that he has as his personal ANBU guard hovers above him, asking him to bite down, because she is going to remove the small sword in his chest. But he am not to keen on that. Because on his now, red dotted bed, she lies broken, as if thrown away. And she does not answer. The cold autumn wind from the open window chills me down even more as he tries to ask what happened._

She greets a friend and they laugh, alive, vivid. He starts on the next dessert as he watches them out of the corner of his eye. Putting together the image of her in his mind again, remembering. Remembering everything and deciding that he will not make contact. He chugs down the jelly of the third dessert as Jiraya gets up and mouths to him that he will see him at the northeast edge of the village tomorrow, and then he is gone, leaving Naruto to quickly collect his things and the bag with weapons before he steps outside into the cold night air.

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The next time Naruto sees Jiraya the later one has quite the hangover and as they expertly shot through the treetops, Jiraya constantly whines about not being able to remember what happened, but that he is sure it was memorable. Naruto had asked him several times to quit whining, but it was if an internal force pulled him to the topic over and over again despite Naruto's attempts to find better topics (the weather being the latest one, but even then Jiraya was reminded of his one night stand).

By the time they enter familiar territory, and the leafs grow a bit more red and yellow colored due to autumn having reached this part of the world only a few days ago, they feel like they have made peace with each other. They laugh and talk about the weight of the box they are carrying. Laugh over that they have not gotten a decent night of sleep since they left Konoha and joke about that they will sleep until next week when they get back. It felt as if the warmth of the descending sun was nothing compared to what Naruto felt as they travelled the last mile home.

That is why he was surprised when his skull suddenly felt crushed and his vision blurry. Felt himself fly fast, in parallel with the ground, absently wondering 'is this even possible?' before he hit a tree and twisted down into the hard ground. The ringing in his ears felt unreal and when he tried to get up to take a look around, to find out what happened, he found himself unable to feel his legs. And when he twisted to get a look of them he sees Jiraya lie a few meters away, bones in his legs shattered and poking through his legs like a porcupine, his stomach sliding out onto the earth and

_The pieces of fur strangely attached to pieces of flesh and smashed organs lying about, a body lying in the middle of the mess guts sliding out and legs twisted in all the wrong directions. He still breathes but the agonized cry for his dead dog reveals that he does not have long and when he tells him to stay calm, that help is on the way, the other brokenly begs him to let him die and then-_

They stepped on a bomb. As the light went off in Naruto's head he could not help but to choke down a sob as he tried to crawl towards his teacher, only to have the exhaustion pull him under, into unconsciousness.

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As Naruto opens his eyes, he is faced with a blinding white ceiling that is too clean and neat to be his own. A dry cough bubbles up as he tries to ask what happened, the jumbled pictures making no sense in his mind. But there is nobody in the room and so he stops his struggle to talk. Instead he closes his eyes again; coughing a bit more as some old mucus in his throat tries to choke him. Then the door opens and Tsunande walks in, looking annoyed and strangely flushed. As they lock gazes she starts to speak before he can even open his mouth. Listing the events as if it they are a part of her grocery list and not something gravely important.

"You and Jiraya stepped on a bomb a criminal we were hunting left to slow us down. You had a broken spine, head concussion and gotten some splinters from the tree in your eye. But it is healed now and-"  
"What about Jiraya?"

"He'll be fine." As she notices Naruto's surprised expression she exhausted murmurs:

"It is a lot, lot harder to die here than when were alive, didn't anyone tell you?"

"Oh, of course." The man replies quietly as the woman checks his status.

Suddenly the door opens and the Shodaime enters, fully clothed in his robes and hat, strangely sober. He just gives Tsunande a look and she immediately leaves them alone, making Naruto suspect that the criminal they hunted got a hold of the bag of weapons. As he struggles to come up with an excuse the Shodaime announces, without any emotion in his voice:

"I have just left the funeral ceremony for the 7th Hokage and-"

"Wha-?" the startled exclamation is ignored as the older man continues in the same tone of voice:

"-we will have to sketch up a new contract because the other can obviously not be used anymore."

"Wait. What? You've told them I'm dead?!" the fury in voice is only met with an amused reply:  
"Don't be silly. Tanaka is officially the Hokage and he is the one who is dead."

"But how-"

"Two hours before you stepped on that bomb someone broke into his part of the Hokage mansion complex and strangled him to death. There was no struggle. Then the criminal left." The Shodaime clinically reports as he steadily watches the blonde on the bed who by now is trying very hard not to tear up.

"..So the criminal you hunted when we- the one who placed the bomb there- we went past- did you catch him?"

"No. That is why I want you, and everybody who knows who you really are, to be available tomorrow at noon for a meeting. Understood? It is very important that we deal with this now."

"Okay." Is the only response Naruto can think of, that will not make him cry in front of the Konoha's first Hokage.

* * *

**Things I realized as I was sick and had nothing to do:**

Namikaze Minato was created to die. He was the fourth hokage and as most know number four in Japanese superstition symbolizes death (and nine symbolizes pain which Naruto has had a lot of) and his last name is very, very close to Kamikaze, the suicide bombers in the 2nd world war. Which is kind of what Minato did too, only his sacrifice did not kill people but sealed something. Anyway, he also described as the ultimate hero, a par the might not had been able to uphold had he been present for a longer period in the series. In short, Minato was created to be dead and by using him in this fanfic I am going against his fictional nature.

In the chapter were Sasuke and Madara first talk to each other, Madara is about to take off his mask but does not completely (due to Itachi etc.) thus we only get to see his right eye. Then he is referred to as a kage of another nation by Kisame (which is possible due to the fact that Madra has had a long life, much which still is not revealed. Therefore I ask; is it possible that Danzo is Madara? Because he should have had the time to get into Konoha's ranks once again if they believed him to be dead. Think about it: we know Danzo's right eye is a sharingan, we never saw Madara's other eye and they have the same haircut! Nobody would expect a thing, right? What do you think? Am I delirious?

Is it possible that Madara is just some really complex genjutsu virus? The kind were you think you see something and get hurt by it, but it is only because you are so convinced of that it is real? Because, that would explain a lot. I imagine the contamination process to be like when Itachi made Naruto choke down one of his crows…Only this Madara virus would be more clever?

**Note2:** Please remember to review so that I can improve in the future!


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